Month: May 2010 Page 1 of 2

This is something I always wanted to do. Seriously. Skipping rocks always had a magic aura attached to it. To see the rocks dancing, jumping on top of the water was akin to watching a highly-skilled magic show. Don’t laugh. It is true. I held skippers in great regard. How do you make rocks do that? I know, physics 101. Aside from that, I mean. The hand movement. Visualizing the trajectory, choosing the perfect rock. I went over this again and again but I never got it right. Until yesterday that is. I watched my husband do it, he is a great skipper. So I picked up a rock, felt it in my hand, skimmed the water with my eyes and … believed I could do it. No, I did not just tell myself I could do it. For a few moments before throwing the rock, I felt I could do it. And the rock bearing my touch danced on top of the water, skipped three times and went in. My heart started skipping with a sense of pride that I just wish I could find the right words for. Small thing, you say? It might look like that if one chooses to see just the rock skipping – an empowering achievement nonetheless – and nothing else. If I could do this, I could do more. All it took was changing my belief. I needed to feel I could do it. So I will change my belief on other things I want to do. Pretty cool, I must say. If I can make rocks dance on the water, there are a myriad of other things I can make happen.

And you can too. Give it a try today. Come on, there must be something you always wanted to do but you were held back by that nagging “I can’t” thought. Believe you can do it, and visualize your trajectory. That includes careful planning and some risk assessment if you will, but nothing will change the belief that you can. And that is the solid foundation you’ll build on. Start building today. Take small steps if you wish. Like skipping rocks…
 

Social media. Are you still scared of it? Or are you immersed in it way over your head? Well, the way I see it there should be a middle way. I resisted the idea of making contact with the world this way – Twitter and Facebook  – for quite a while. I wasn’t ready to be out there exposing my thoughts. What if people didn’t like what I had to say, what if my comments will attract some odd comments, what if I simply won’t like it? I am now confident enough to say "So what? I’ll get over it and they’ll get over it. Life goes on either way".

 I signed up for Facebook mostly to escape nagging from friends to be honest. And then, I ‘bumped” into old friends. People who meant something to me and still do. And then made some new friends. People who now mean something to me. And my thoughts are there, part of my life is shared with my friends and, I have to say, I love it. I am not scared of it anymore. What I love about it? Getting support from many and being able to support my friends when they need it, keeping up with their projects, ideas and sharing mine too. Privacy settings are of course, a must. A social media playground can be a safe one if your settings are right.

And then along came the Twitter wagon. Somewhat later than it did for the rest of the world but hey, the important part is that I’m there. I jumped on and still riding in style. My first “tweet” was shy and unconvincing. But then I figured I just don’t need to convince anyone of anything. I’ll share thoughts, ideas, links to things that mean something to me and not for the purpose of impressing people but for communicating with people.
And here I am, a couple of months later, feeling grateful for having met some amazing people – I am not using amazing here lightly at all – during my social media incursions, loving the connection I have with them and looking forward to more great connecting with them and others.

But, and this is a big BUT: I do not carry my social media with me everywhere. When I want to spend time with my family I am just with them. When I want to share thoughts and ideas with my social media group I do so. I feel in control. I love the rush of being connected like I am, but I love that I can have the addiction-to-social-media beast still tamed. I intend to keep it that way.

Back to my question: It is real? And my answer is: Yes, it is. If I take away the fluff that is after all inherent to such social congregations, I see meaningful relationships forming, relationships that help me grow. I see people who inspire me just like I hope I inspire them. For now I don’t think it can get more real than that.
 

I couldn’t have found a better blog post than the one I wrote last night, on want to versus have to. Yes, I did sacrifice part of my sleep for it, but it was worth it. And what better proof than Sir Ken Robinson’s talk today. Watch it please, it will enrich your life. And change the way you look at education. Except that you’ll feel like you’re standing in the rain all of a sudden without an umbrella in sight. Refreshing, yes, but you’ll start looking for cover. My hope is that the more people I get to stand in the rain, the more will join me in my quest to looking for solutions for the conundrum below.

I have this nagging question regarding my boys’ education: Am I doing the right thing? Do I even know what I’m doing? And ultimately, the question is not just about my boys’ education but it applies to children in general. I don’t believe in fighting for a spot in that prestigious kindergarten or school everyone is raving about. That’s not where my nag is coming from. My question stems from the fact that I see my boys so preoccupied with things, I see them being so passionate about this and that, and sometimes – quite often, actually – they have to leave that aside because they have to attend school. By the time school is done with for the day, so is their preoccupation with whatever they were doing so passionately. Sometimes the passion stretches over many weeks but it fades away since there is just not enough energy left for both – have and want to do things, I mean. And this has happened repeatedly. And after a while they do not go back to some of those things they were so passionate about. And I cannot help but think that in time they will simply learn to do whatever they have to do instead of doing the stuff they want to do and feel passionate about. It feels wrong.

How can we encourage our children’s creativity and by that I do not necessarily mean pulling them out of school or searching for the perfect learning environment – is there such a thing anyway – but somehow make the two, creativity and education, intertwine. How can I make it happen is my nagging question. How can we make this happen? We, as a society, owe this to our children. Because we know more. And because by now we know the price of not taking creativity into consideration when educating children. Come to think of it, education and creativity should not be separated in the first place.  When did that happen? And why do we let it happen? 

What are your thoughts?
 

Here is a dilemma. Which ones do you do first: The things you want to – you know, those projects that set your thoughts on fire and you feel all restless until you churn through them one by one – or the things you have to, chores, to be more precise.

If it’s by choice, then I definitely do the ones I want to, unless the stuff I have to cannot possibly wait. It’ll have to be a starving child with no food in sight or a burning house. Why so, you might ask? Because one too many times I planned to write down my ideas after finishing my chores. Well, by the time the last plate was washed and dried and the last speck of dust – yes, I am exaggerating, but still – was gone and done with, my energy was low and the momentum long lost. So my promised time with my burning thoughts was gone. The energy wave was no longer there for me to ride. So what, you’ll say, creative waves come back. They do, but it’s just not the same.

Has that ever happened to you? If it did, you understand my frustration. And my dilemma. I love playing with my boys – and no, this is definitely not a chore, unless playing involves yet another round of me impersonating Han Solo, which I am not exactly brilliant at – and then I like doing stuff around the house, cooking yummy vegetarian food, for example, but there is something that only happens every now and then and it has to be honoured when it happens. Or else. That something is a creativity wave taking me to wild places. And if you’ve been there, you know what I mean. That is one wave I have to ride on.

So unless we’re talking about a life and death situation, which I hope will never be the case to be honest, I will do my best to do the things I want to before the ones I have to. Life is too short and time too precious to be spent mostly in the "have to" zone. A grey zone, If you ask me. I like color, and lots of it!

Whether you agree or disagree, please share your thoughts. Off to hunt those specks of dust now…
 

We are showering our children with praises for every little thing they do since they first enter the world. Is that a good thing? I am starting to think that excessive praising can actually go against what we are trying to help them achieve. What is that, you’re asking? Resilience, for example. And the desire to be challenged. And the desire to become even better at what they’re doing.
By praising them at every step, aren’t we encouraging them to settle for mediocrity? Won’t they settle for “good enough” just because we tell them “that’s great” to whatever they do? I am not saying we should not give them proper encouragement. We all need that, and encouragement at the right time is great and necessary. I simply believe that excessive praising undermines people’s ability to monitor their own progress objectively and fulfill their dreams. And by doing that to our children we are getting them used to that somewhat misleading and yet addictive feeling of instant gratification which we as a society have too much of nowadays anyway.

So let’s praise less, communicate more – with our children, our loved ones and with our own selves too. What are your thoughts?
 

And I did! Today I took part in my first duathlon race. Almost two months ago my duathlon friend mentioned the race in a conversation – thank you Susan! It started with “You should do this, you’ll love it” and next thing I did was playing that idea in my head for a few days. I almost signed up. I started running every day but then stress kicked in a little too hard and felt too overwhelmed to run. I thought of giving up. Not enough time to train anyway, I tried to tell myself. My duathlon friend did not settle for my ambiguity and pushed me a little harder. I signed up the same evening and I started training more. Until today when I woke up all excited and nervous. And had the rush of my lifetime as I started the race. Sure it got exhausting here and there. Riding my bike uphill with the wind blowing in my face was tiring but also exhilarating. I was doing the very thing that I was quite apprehensive about. The very thing that I so wanted to do. The little engine’s “I think I can” catch phrase went round and round in my head like a carousel when the going got tough. And I made it to the finish line with my heart dancing. That moment was magic. I saw myself passing the finish line, I saw my family cheering for me and a big thought was floating around in my head like a drunken bird “I thought I could…”. It still does.

Following this duathlon participation my friend Darryl invited me to write a guest post in his biking blog lovingthebike. Whether you are a biking afficionado or not, check out Darryl’s blog – his passion and enthusiasm are inspiring.

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way…”
Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities

Sometimes what seems to be the best situation might in fact be a less auspicious one. It pays off to learn to read, trust and follow that gut instinct. It may feel good but if deep down it ain’t feeling right, rethink your strategy. Simply said, stop, turn around and take another path. Steep learning curve, but all worth it.   

Sometimes life throws a ball, and a hard one at that. Kicking, screaming and pouting are my immediate reactions but very often there is a thought at the back of my mind urging me to breathe and wait. There is always a silver lining, I am reminded by my faithful brain. And that means hope. Hope means planning and planning means action. So there. Some roads are winding ones, and shortcuts may be tempting but not always the best alternative. You may end up where you don’t want to be so think twice before you choose.

Sometimes I want people to think in sync, to give me all the support I need when I need it. And they don’t. They might be busy with their own lives, they might not see the importance of my goals at that particular moment or they simply don’t care enough then or any other time. Cry, scream and shout? It won’t get me anywhere – and yet I still do that occasionally. What will, you ask? My own belief in what I am doing. Until proven wrong, until my tower of hopes and thoughts collapses – not because I don’t believe in it anymore but because my goal is not a doable one – until then, I owe it to myself to keep going. To believe. Now that’s a big word. Opening up to a beautiful world. Dare to believe.

Sometimes I despair. I do. And it hurts. I feel like giving up. A two-headed monster, really. Giving up may present itself like the easiest solution but may in fact become the shakiest ground I’ll ever walk on. That’s when I try to remember that there are two sides to everything and giving up is but one of them. There is a good one there too. Good times are just around the corner.