Gratitude makes the journey better and so does kindness

Month: June 2010

Are You A Bee? Then Your Children Should Be Too

Are you a parent? Or a teacher? You might answer no to both and that’s quite alright. But for sure you were a kid once. And no matter how long ago that was, you most likely agree that each child has his or her special talent and ideally they should be encouraged to pursue that special talent and become really good at it while also feeling increasingly empowered in the process and self-confident about achieving even more along the way?

Sounds nice, doesn’t it? just the right words crafted into a nice scenario. Yet are we actually doing that? Sure the school system is opening up to new ideas and concepts, and there are countless parenting books telling us how and what to do to help our kids. Have you experienced that as a child? My parents were very encouraging of my passions since I was a child, yet somehow I could not fit them into the mold presented to me by the school system – left them at the door when I entered school I guess – and then I simply put them aside for a while because I pursued other things along the way. Came back to them years later.

 

Schools are opening up to the world, yet I think there is still a long way to go until we can send our kids to school and not skip a beat when thinking about their education. Is the school going to provide them with what they need to grow into accomplished, self-confident adults who will make the world a better place simply because they love what they do, they are good at it and that makes them happy people? Hard to say. I don’t like generalizing so I will tread carefully here. There are some great schools out there and there are so many amazing teachers too. Yet the reality is that we should not leave it up to them. Recognizing our children’s special talents early on – and by this I do not mean looking for a prodigy or pushing your child to become one just because he played with your aunt’s piano at a family get-together. I am talking about spending time with your child, knowing your child, knowing what interests him and what he is good at, and help him pursue that and get better at it. Helping children flourish should come as naturally as feeding them and putting them to bed. It should not be luxury treatment but everyday occurrence.

Ideally, the same should happen in schools. Being a teacher is not an easy job, and like I said, there are many amazing teachers out there. As parents we should help them by offering our help, by being our children’s advocates and by supporting the teachers who are going above and beyond trying to support our children’s dreams and passions. It’s everybody’s job to make the world a better place. And what an honourable job that is.
I was shown a brilliant video today during a teacher training program. Take a look and marvel.

 

Are you a bee? There is still time to become one…
 

Living Life As Everything Is A Miracle

Are you? Amidst all craziness and with all the ups and downs I’m experiencing these days I can say with all my heart that I do. I love the sun waking me up in the morning, I love to see my boys’ faces all ready to start the day and hearing their chitchat two seconds after opening their eyes and then I love waiting for the day to unfold. Everything comes rolling in bringing little things on my doorstep one after another. And I do believe that it’s the little things that make up life. Some are bad and some are good. Some simply are. The little things that we overlook while waiting for the big THING that will brighten our day. Not to say that there aren’t big things that take us three miles up into the stratosphere occasionally but should we wait for them could mean that life is passing us by. Just like that. With all its little miracles. And there are plenty. Look around.

Albert Einstein said “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is”. The day was not as you envision it? Fret not as there is another one just around the corner. Don’t hold back this time. The things that come rolling into your life, whether they bring joy or grief of one kind or another should be properly greeted. And even marveled at. Whether good all bad, they will all pass. And they’ll all have taught you something by the times they did. What’s left behind is you, as every little thing that you experience adds to who you are and become. A wiser you.

And no, there is no sign “Tread gently” anywhere. That’s also part of discovering life and learning its intricate ways. And quite frankly, what better way to learn to tread gently than walking over some hot coals…what’s the miracle in that one? Simply getting to the other side and having lived to tell the story.
 

Nonviolent Communication

Have you heard of it? It is one brilliant concept. Having been the victim of a violent verbal attack recently, I am definitely determined to learn more about nonviolent communication. This time I was at the receiving end and it felt as bad as it sounds. Frightening and hurtful, two words I wish I never have to use again to describe an interaction with another human being. After wiping big tears and getting some big hugs from my friends, I once again pushed my chin up and decided to use this as yet another learning opportunity.

How do you communicate with people around you? What do you do when you are mad and terribly upset as we all are sometimes? Do you lash out at people without warning, or do you let them know that you need your space? And if you have to solve the conflict right then and there, how do you go at it?

Stating what you want and stating it in a non accusatory way, talking about feelings without blaming someone, observing rather than evaluating are but a few principles nonviolent communication is built upon. Say what you need to say but say it so that the other person does not feel attacked or judged or abused in any way. It may seem easy but it’s not. Yet doing it is the first step towards building connections with people. Conflicts are helpful, and when they are not abusive they can enhance people’s lives as well as their relationships.

 If you are ready to add some wisdom to your life, pick up a copy of “Nonviolent Communication – A Language of Life” by Marshall Rosenberg. The brilliant simplicity of the concepts will amaze you and change the way you feel about conflicts. You’ll be that much happier.
 

No Excuses

 

OK, so the truck didn’t hit me last week. According to my last post. Yet I disappeared from here. No mystery, really. Here it is, the naked truth: Bad time management. So no excuse.

I am learning constantly. My last week was crazy and stressful and I did end it up somewhat successfully but with one professional blunder that left a rather bitter taste in my mouth. Delivering less than what was expected of me, even though I eventually fixed my mistake, was just not I was ready to accept from myself.  I did pat myself on the back with an unconvincing “All is well when it ends well…”, but… Like I said, unconvincing. Sure I wanted to call the people I had worked with and explain to them that I was by myself  with my two boys as my husband was away for a while on business, that I had a lot more work to do that week than ever before, that I almost got hit by a truck and so on. Well, I didn’t. No point in doing that.  Excuses are lame. They are. That’s one of the things I learned. Here‘s the rest of them.

•    I cannot and should not expect to be able to plan for everything that happens to me. Things will happen and I have to either be prepared or become prepared as they happen. Just two choices.

•    I have to deliver impeccable work no matter what.

•    No excuses. Sure my life may seem stressful to some, yet to others may not seem that stressful. What gives? Simply put, excuses are futile. People I am engaged with professionally don’t want to hear them or if they do, chances are they won’t make them shed a tear. Bottom line: Work is work and it has to be done professionally.

•    When things spin out of control, sit back, take a deep breath and then prioritize. It’s the only way. Have you ever heard of “How do you eat an elephant? And the answer is: one bite at a time”. Precisely.

•    Life is still beautiful even though it gives us a punch occasionally. Sure it hurts a bit but it keeps us on the learning curve.
 

Still Here, Still Learning

There is a lesson in everything although it may not be obvious from the beginning.
I am an optimist, I am. And I think positively, but sometimes things are just crooked and that’s that.

Today I saw a truck almost drive into my car while i was leaving an intersection and for a split second I thought I should get out of its way, but my body was frozen and I had a few strange thoughts dangling like old, hollow-sounding wind chimes. The one that stood out was “Am I going to die?”. The truck stopped, brakes screeching – they continue to do so in my head as I write this – and then I drove away, dazed and still clutching onto the steering wheel as if I was glued to it.  My body was now moving – driving – but my mind was frozen on the thoughts left over from a few moments ago and the ugly metal face of that truck coming too fast and too close to me. I choose to think of it as a truck, just a truck, and not a person driving it.

I put that image and the thoughts it dragged behind aside but they kept coming back. Again, and again and again throughout the day. Until the thoughts broke down the wall I put up between me and my fear. That overwheming fear that paralyzed first my body and then my mind, the fear that I kept pushing away the whole day.
I faced it with very little dignity, I suppose, and I do admit to that. I let it stomp its big heavy feet all over my thoughts and then I let it roar it in my head and when it was all done, I figured out it was about time I learn something from all of this.

First of all, that I am responsible not only for my own life but for the lives of my children, hence I should be planning accordingly for that. For any circumstance that is. It’s called planning and being prepared. a very grown-up thing to do otherwise.

Fear is a natural feeling, although fear like this can bring one to his/her knees. It did. I am getting up again though. I am stubborn that way. And yes, we can run but we can’t hide. At some point, sooner or later, we have to face it. Fear like this doesn’t just go away unless it is dealt with properly. It’s like having to cross to the other side by swimming in very cold water. Jump in and while the coldness will shock you, it might even stop your breathing for a few seconds, you’ll soon discover that your mind and body have the resources to deal with it.

I am lucky. Amidst thinking terrifying thoughts, feeling my tears running on the outside and inside too, and hearing myself say “I can’t, I won’t take another step”, something of a different nature emerged.  A little voice singing a tune, a voice that kept getting stronger as I was listening to it – “Somebody up there loves you”. It was enough for me to be able to see the silver lining. It made sense. It must be true. Otherwise I wouldn’t be writing this.

 

Of Learning And Teaching

I am not the best teacher, yet I am not the worst. And I don’t consider myself just somewhere in between either. That would mean settling for mediocrity and teaching should be anything but. Life should be anything but, really. Another time for this topic perhaps. I am better at teaching than I was a week ago, and I know I have inspired people along the way too.

I learn when I teach  and I love it. But it is, by all means, challenging. If one puts his/her heart into it, that is. I am trying to not just teach notions and concepts, I am trying to inspire students to look beyond definitions, marks and evaluations and see where their learning fits into the big picture. Because that’s the starting point, in a sense. Seeing and being inspired by where you want to get. I teach life sciences, which I consider fascinating. I do not go entirely by memorizing or by asking students to memorize everything. I go by understanding how it all fits together and playing with what I know and with what I don’t know while trying to figure out answers to those nagging questions I have about the living world. And there are many questions, and many more keep popping up. Memorizing everything and classifying that information would take time away from understanding it.
Some students get scared when I paint the big picture for them. Describing the components of a cell  is trivial, I believe, anyone can pick up a textbook and do it. Understanding how they all work together to keep me and you and the rest of the world alive is where learning meets curiosity, and from there fascination just flows freely. That’s where the real learning begins. But the complexity of the big picture is too much, some students would say. Some will decline to come close if it’s not part of the testing material. That alone is a sad, bone-crushing sad reality. Learning should go beyond marks, and while we need some method of evaluating, that method should not overshadow the leaning process but encourage it somehow.

It is the simple steps that build that complexity, I tell my students, and we are all learners, playing with concepts, definitions and hopefully having the courage and desire to put them upside down and crookedly and spin them too in order to understand why they make the world go round the way they do.

I will not give up trying to inspire students to see beyond the boundaries of class notes, marks and standardized evaluations. And that will make my teaching both humbling and uplifting. And I will not be the best of teachers and I will not the worst, just like I won’t just be anywhere in between either. But I will for sure be better at it then I was two days ago. And even better at understanding the big picture and why the world goes round the way it does. 
 

Learning As I Go

Literally. We moved two days ago. And I know now that moving is one big opportunity to learn. About myself and the rest of the people around me. I consider myself a capable person, I do. Well, I can say now with confidence that I am not good at moving. At all. Nor do I intend to become a moving expert. It may have been the lack of organizational skills – I am after all a free spirit with a bit of a bohemian streak to it – or maybe it was my “It’ll work out eventually” attitude. Not sure. The thing is, moving – which is by everybody’s standards a stressful event – was very stressful. Living out of boxes temporarily is not fun, not knowing what’s in the unlabeled boxes – somehow some boxes made it out of the old house before I had a chance to label them – is madness. And having little kids asking for the little things that could be anywhere, including the unlabeled boxes, can lead to temporary insanity.

Here are the lessons I’ve learned, which means that should there be a next time, I will perhaps do things differently:
•    Plan for things – moving in this case – in advance and (correctly) appreciate the magnitude of the process you are planning for.
•    Accept offers of help from friends – I am blessed with amazing friends who offered their time and energy to help us move. It made a world of difference.
•    Find some good entertainment for the kids if you have young ones. As much as I liked the idea of having my boys joyfully pack their toys and actively participate in the moving, I now know better. I am a dreamer, what can I say. Which is nice, but not at all practical.
•    Tread gently for a couple of days before and after the actual moving. Everybody’s nerves are stretched at maximum. ‘Nuff said. 
•    Be happy to find some of the things you need not when you need them but at some point in time.
•    Be thankful for having a roof over your head – there are many people out there without one.

Off to unpack some more boxes now…
 

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