Gratitude makes the journey better and so does kindness

Month: December 2010

Merry Christmas! Because I want it back

I went to buy Christmas gifts a few days ago. And not even one store clerk said “Merry Christmas” to me, even though they were all small stores and one had an abundance of Nativity scenes too. They all said “Happy Holidays”. I get it, they want to be politically correct. Not everyone celebrates Christmas and that’s fine, I know that not all people celebrate the same thing I do. I get that. The thing is though, it bothers me how people used to wish each other Merry Christmas and it felt good because we have the Christmas trees all around us (are we going to call them just holiday trees or holiday evergreens to be politically correct?) and we have Santa Claus coming by on Christmas Eve. Of course some people don’t celebrate Christmas, and I do have many friends who don’t and I respect that, but anything short of having a piece of paper stuck to our foreheads letting people know what we each celebrate will simply not do because guessing this kind of stuff feels like a fool’s errand.

So why not wish Happy Holidays then and make everyone happy? Because it feels impersonal. That’s what I think. Because it feels fake and it takes something out of it. One thing is that saying merry almost makes one hear some twinkling of stars up there and inside one’s heart too. Happy is a good word, it is, but it’s not the same. So when someone says Happy Holidays to me I fell like saying please if you want to wish me something wish me Merry Christmas.

Why are we afraid of acknowledging Christmas the way it is? And why would people feel that a holiday is imposed on them? People will still celebrate what they want to celebrate, whether Christmas or Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa or nothing at all if that’s the way they see fit. But our world around this time a year abounds with trees and angels and stars, and they are there because we celebrate Christmas. Christian people like me celebrate the birth of Jesus on Christmas day and I think that is a beautiful thing, but I do know that we live in a society where freedom of speech is highly valued and that’s how it should be and among other things, freedom means that no one is pushed into a church against their wish and forced to sing carols. It’s a matter of choice. But altering greetings to make them agreeable and politically correct takes the life out of them. And to all the naysayers out there, I know what I am talking about because I did grow up in a communist country and I know what it’s like to think Merry Christmas and say Happy Holidays, I do. While it made for good warm true Christmas celebrations inside people’s homes, there was also fear and resentment too, which overshadowed some of the joy. Not to say the two situations are similar, but impersonal celebrations make it rather hard for both young and old to see why kindness towards each other and also towards the least fortunate which should be a given around this time a year, and, why not, reminders to be kind the rest of the year.

Happy Holidays goes well with shopping and sparkling malls and the mad race to get everything just perfect for the occasion. Merry Christmas to me means being with people I love and feel close to, home baked goodies, a cute little Christmas tree kids hang their homemade decorations in, their hearts beating fast while waiting for Santa. Gifts, you may ask? Well, yes, gifts, they are not all bad, because gifts, if people opt for them, can be thoughtfully offered, and there should be no slavery or suffering of any kind involved in the making of Christmas gifts, ideally. ‘tis the season to be giving, indeed.

Merry Christmas to all! And if you happen to be among those who do not celebrate Christmas this time a year, please know that behind every Merry Christmas I say there are a lot of good thoughts that I hope will make their way towards you too and bring you their merry warmth with them. And you do not have to be a Christian fellow to receive them. Goodness transcends boundaries people put up. That’s why I can say Merry Christmas and know, deep down, just like you do, that I will not offend anyone.

Compromise

Now that’s a heavy word. A scary one, some will say. It sure sends chills down many spines. It is scary because it has two sides to it: you give some, you get some. One is darker than the other. The “give some”. Or at least that’s what it looks like until we get close enough to see that the “get some” part has a certain undisputable brightness to it, which counterbalances the grey shadows of the first. A certain lightness, some would say. What holds the two in balance is worthiness. The certitude that both give and get are worth it.

I used to be a very unassertive person. A quiet one. Never asking for much, never willing or courageous enough to create any ripples that might upset people around me because of my asking for things. I knew about compromise and while I always looked at it as a necessary thing, I never looked closely at the two sides of it nor questioned whether they are in balance. That is until my boys were born. I stepped out of quietness to defend my boys when I needed to do so, to show them their own worth and teach them about compromises and how they are part of real life. You lose some, but you gain some as well…

Life is about compromise. Because life is real. Utopia-like scenarios are not sustainable even though they make for some sparkling short-term daydreaming. But life as we know it is real. The unmatched brightness of blue skies in the summer is fascinating as it is real, but so is the muddy froth left on the side of the road by a storm. From the simplest things we settle for in our day to day relationships with neighbours, acquaintances and friends, to the more complicated, emotionally and otherwise, matters involving our loved ones, compromise describes nothing but real life. Tempted to say that magic lies in not looking or considering the “give some” part, but only the “get some”? That magic lies in doing all we can to fulfill our personal dreams and hopes? I’d say hardly. Magic is not about perfection but about discovering that one can see perfection in imperfect things, people and situations. Perfection not as an absolute attribute of life but as in having out true needs met. That’s where perfection and compromise stumble upon each other to create the belief that is as scary as it is exhilarating and that is simply “I would not have it any other way”. Yes, you can say that perfection and compromise are in the eye of the beholder.

You might or might not agree but here’s what I’ve learned so far about compromise: Strength lies not in what we hold onto or in the stubbornness we show while doing so, but in what we are willing to give for something we believe worthy. Compromise is not a sentence but a choice. And knowing that is perhaps the one thing that can make compromise either lie heavily on resentful shoulders or create the peace of mind that opens hearts and puts the wind in one’s sails. That I might learn more along the way about compromise and real life, about beliefs and their worthiness, I do not doubt for a second. What I do know though is that while compromise is a way of showing what the “give some” part is all about, it is, at the same time, another way of remembering one’s self worth when the “get some” part is considered. You lose some yet you gain some as well… It makes for fair trades. With a side note that fairness is the eye of the beholder…
 

The Power To Change Someone’s World

Can you? Can I? I don’t know about you, but I am an optimist and I say yes. And it is not just a blind belief. It is the fact that I have, in a small way, or in many small ways, changed it. How, you ask? Well, small steps. Changing some lifestyle habits, talking to people about it. Writing about it here, now.

So what and am I doing so far? I can change someone’s world by buying fair traded foods such as cocoa, sugar and coffee. Here I am raising a big question: do we have to give something up to make the world a better place for one person at least? That could be a deterrent some would say. In the age of instant gratification and gratification in general, inviting someone to do a good deed and not only not expect something in return but also give something up in the process, now that’s rather bold. Yet that’s the essence of it. That’s when it becomes real. Changing the world involves giving something up and that’s not a bad thing. It’s just as it should be. It makes us appreciate life more. It makes us become better people, it really does.

Here’s an example: Most people love chocolate or other edibles made with cocoa, and buying fair trade means that we don’t have to give up the pleasure of consuming that, but we have to pay more for that little luxury that comes guilt-free and also as green as can be, given that fair trade practices go hand in hand with the green ones. A nice combination that translates into something that we take for granted on this side of the world yet it is almost unheard of in those places where our sweet cocoa treats are hailing from: respect for human life.

When we buy something that has a trail of suffering behind, no matter how invisible the trail is, it’s still there. Nice wrappings and cute or smart advertising can make most of those annoying ethical thoughts take a back seat. Hopefully just temporarily. So change that. Change the world by not buying foods that involve child slavery. Just because we don’t see it here it doesn’t mean it’s not real. Whether you’re a parent or not, there is something so inherently wrong about child labour that cannot be ignored. Simply put, what’s pleasure to you, whether a chocolate bar, your daily coffee or that steaming cup of hot cocoa at your favourite coffee shop – unless they’re fairly traded – it’s suffering to a child.  And that’s wrong. And the same goes for all things involving child labour. It could be toys, shoes, clothes, household items. Get to know what you’re buying and change someone’s world by choosing wisely and let others know about it. Affordable sometimes comes with a price that most of us would not be willing to pay and that’s a child’s sad and hopeless cry. If it’s silent it’s because we choose to leave it silent.

It is said that people like to feel powerful. Powerful comes in many shapes and flavours. Like the power to change the world, for example. You may not be able to stop cocoa farmers in West Africa from buying and using children to grow their crops tomorrow. Yes, it is called child slavery, a more than questionable practice, which unfortunately exists and its repulsive bitterness should be felt by all of us in all those goods that come from such tainted places. But you can reduce the demand for such practices. And you can spread the word. Everything has to start somewhere. A spark is all it takes. Like a match – you can watch the flame die slowly or use it to build a fire to keep you and others warm.
To people like us who are fortunate enough to live on the side of the world where children can smile and play instead of being forced to work as slaves, go hungry and be abused physically, the power to change the world is a choice. And that’s reason enough to do it.

What are you ready to give up today to make change someone’s world into a better one?
 

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