Daniela Ginta, Freelance Writer

Gratitude makes the journey better and so does kindness

Month: April 2016

A Mom’s Perspective

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On April 29, 2016

In Armchair Mayor Column, Homeschooling, Kamloops, Learning, Life Stories, Motherhood, Self-improvement, Social issues

Originally published as a column in NewsKamloops on Friday April 29, 2016. 

ThemEvery few months or so, or at least a couple of times a year, there is some news about a mom breastfeeding in public and the implications of that. A case of a storm in a glass of water if you ask me. Somehow, we’re just not over this issue though it has been happening since the beginning of human history.

Yes, many of us are still collectively losing it as soon as a mom nurses her baby in public (yes, babies do eat at various times and in various places not just at home or in secretive locations.)

The negative opinions of the crowd range from shaming the mom and her propensity to expose herself (as if!) to whether she should still be nursing a child that is not a newborn anymore. To be fair, there are positive, encouraging remarks that show support and affirm that yes, it is absolutely normal for a young one to be nursed.

The latest nursing offense happened in Ontario. Though in a community centre, the mom was asked to go to the washroom to continue. Right. That she refused to do so only seems logical and self-respecting. No mom does the exposure to the point it becomes an issue and most times all you see is the baby’s head anyway. Covering up works for some babies but not for others so in imposing the cover-up we might just see more of what we’re trying to avoid seeing.

That she was asked to do that only proves that we are a few ages behind in acknowledging a fact of life (literally) that is not only healthy but fully supported and encouraged by various health organizations and yes, the recommendations clearly state nursing exclusively for the first six months of life and along with complimentary foods until the age of two and beyond.

It truly is mind-boggling that so many get their tails in a knot over this one again and again, while the exposure issue is a serious and worrying one in other areas of life that we should be more diligent to look into as a society or even become fully aware of.

It’s highly hypocritical to do the nursing mom hunt while the really troubling stuff exists in the shadows and grows continuously. The dark sides of internet information is where the true exposure to more than breasts happen, yet there is full freedom for kids, teens and the rest of the population to access it as they please and/or are sneaking their way towards it.

We have yet to make it a common place conversation among all of us, whether we are parents or not. As a society we are barking at the wrong tree when approaching the nursing mom situation with such apprehension while not seeing the dark forest behind it.

If we are to regulate things that can and do affect us as a society we have to look at how we’re being robbed of decency and innocence, start a conversation and initiate actions that will see us all better for it.

To be clear, I am an advocate of open conversations with children, explaining things to them according to their level of understanding and curiosity. Moreover, I am an advocate of spending enough time around the dinner table and otherwise, so that such conversations are not awkward and thus avoided, but happening matter-of-factly and thus allowing for the connection between us parents and children to grow deeper every time.

Yes, we need to do something and soon. Highly overdue I’d say when we have yet another 80 people in Ontario – one of whom was a daycare employee – charged with child pornography (charges include 274 offences) and when phone applications like Canadian-made Kik open the door to even more predators. No, I am not blaming the app but its features sure need some fixing so that the ill-intended cannot be given access.

We have much to worry about and baby nursing prudishness is not one of them. We have to worry about people whose faces and identities are concealed going after children (yes, teens are still children), we have to worry about how easily children can nowadays access online pornography and how overspread the rape culture is among young people, and we have to worry about how much even best-intentioned parents miss when it comes to knowing about their children’s online presence simply because there is just so much to handle.

So yes, let’s let the nursing moms nurse and instead approach the issues that can truly hurt us and our children. This is yet another elephant in the room, and we have to deal with it. Starting now would not be too soon.

Musings From the Ethical Side of Life

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On April 20, 2016

In Armchair Mayor Column, Climate change, Environment, Learning, Social issues

Originally published as a column in NewsKamloops on Friday April 15, 2016. 

There is so much controversial political stuff (ethics pending) happening these days that it becomes hard to know which one to focus on first.

At the same time, the hills around Kamloops are dressing up in their charming albeit short-lived emerald green shimmery coats and that is a daily gift we are greeted by every day. A good reminder of a world worth fighting for.

Which brings me to the first issue that is as hot as the days to come and equally scary (29 degrees predicted for the beginning of next week.) The Trans-Pacific Partnership trade deal or TPP as we’ve all come to know it. Our premier is once again creating a stir (at least we know of it) with her unflinching desire to see the deal ratified. As if British Columbia and its citizens would benefit so much from it that it would be unethical to not do so. Instead, the opposite is true.

The pink shaded dreams that our premier is selling as she is pressing the federal government to ratify the deal include for example the creation of jobs, a promise that has its pink halo disputed by political analysts who have no corporate interests but are simply looking at the trade deal objectively, and saying Canada needs to return to the table and correct a few things.

Should the deal be ratified, we can see the efforts to address climate change and protect the environment being at the mercy of corporations, which, if history is any lesson, is anything but a good thing.

We can see public health and access to medicine threatened by patents involving big dollars and thus well-guarded by companies that can put a price on human life. Not a good thing at all.

A scary possible reality that concerns British Columbians may involve the multinational corporations gaining control over our natural resources. In short, there could be dispute settlement clauses that could see the province sued if provincial regulations obstruct corporate gain in any way. Enough to make most of us choke, right?

So one could logically wonder about the ethics of all of this. If the provincial government care about the citizens, the land and the future generations, shouldn’t there be a way to actually show it instead of displaying the opposite and with pride.

The LNG projects so garnished with inflated hopes and environmentally devastating are proof of it. Site C too. Much to be destroyed, little to be gained overall, and so, so much to be left to be desired in the realm of ethics. That ethics and leadership should go hand in hand is an understatement. As I said so many times, that should be the premise on which leaders are elected. That and true concern for people and land. Right.

If the provincial government gets a failing grade when it comes to securing an actual good deal for British Columbia, we can hope that the recently elected federal government will see to it. As per the promises during the election campaign, which our collective elephant memory still hangs onto.

Yet when it comes to ethics, it seems that our federal government has a black eye too. Care to guess? The $11 billion Saudi LAV deal. If human rights are not negotiable (they aren’t) then why do they become less important and easy to overlook when big money comes about?

Is it the money? Is it the big shadow that Saudi Arabia casts over some of the western world due to their oil (are we still there?), which makes our officials conveniently overlook all the human rights violations they perpetrate? Double standards are always a bad idea.

It’s the jobs, some would say. Weapons are not made for show and tell, we know that much, yet a country with a reputation like Saudi Arabia… it’s just not looking right for the well-behaved Canadians.

Still in the ethics department, a big one might be coming down the pipe (emphasis on might) should the Canada Revenue Agency answer the most uncomfortable question of why their secret deal with KPMG allowed the latter’s rich customers to avoid paying tax without fearing any future charges. Unethical and too unfair, more so when the Panama Papers delivered their own social injustice blow.

We can only hope that justice will be served. We can only hope that the values most of us talk about such as integrity, honesty, consideration for others and the land that feeds us all, will be the values that our government, federal and provincial, will bring forth when deciding our present and future. If ethics would matter the way it should, we’d have nothing to fear. And yet…

A Dog Named Ringo

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On April 4, 2016

In Life Stories

20160220_152251I am not good at delivering bad news. So the other morning when I showed up looking rather serious in the boys’ bedroom and said ‘I have sad news’, merely confirmed my lack of skill in the area.

One of my best friend’s dog died. Oh, you’ll say, that. Yes, that, but he was not ‘just a dog’ and I will tell you why. You see, having been through my fair share of losses of people I loved dearly since the age of six I know death well enough to know it reeks of helplessness. I accept it but I will never just shrug and say ‘Life is like that’ because I cannot say that with a straight face or I’d be lying.

This dog named Ringo was the reason I met my friend you see. A couple of days after we moved to Kamloops almost four years ago we were at the river where the sand is fine and sparkly, and the river laps ever so gently over your feet if you approach the water line. It’s the dog beach, my favourite in town (as long as you avoid the mid-summer madness.) Dogs have it good and I don’t mind because they can appreciate water and beaches.

That day we were four strangers on a pretty sandy beach trying to make sense of our new surroundings. A golden retriever was running in and out of the water, happy as happy can be. I don’t know if dogs ever laugh, but he was doing it right then and there.

I watched him, his joyful puppy face and his big golden frame dripping with water. He made me smile. The next thing I know I was talking to his owner. She and Ringo were to become our first friends here. A few days later when her and I met for a walk by the river, he spotted me coming from afar and ran to greet me. He jumped and gave me a kiss on the side of my mouth. Boundaries you say? Well, I took it as a compliment.

‘He’s not usually doing that…’ my bemused friend explained. We nicknamed him Lips and our friendship grew richer since because he was in it.

There is no obituary I can throw here without sounding melodramatic. That’s not what I want either. The morning I told the boys that Ringo died unexpectedly I choked though and my voice was teary. Because he was such an important part of our life here you see.

We’d take him for walks, or he would come to our place for the day. We would have him in the car on the way to some hills for a hike, lodged in between the boys and he would always put his big furry head on my armrest. I’d pet him in between the eyes and he would close them gently.

He always made sure the boys were close by when we hiked and if they got too far he ran to check on them. I hugged him often, checked him for cacti and ticks when needed and felt his soft fur with my feet when my friend and I sat for tea on the sofa and he lay on the floor under the coffee table, not bearing to be out of the conversation. We joked that he should have his own cup of tea too.

We once went to a lake and kayaked and he swam alongside the kayak, amazing me with his strength and determination to keep up with us. We kayaked up a stream to where the woods were mysterious and a bit frightening and I felt safe because Ringo was with us. His tracks and ours were left scattered on a sunny beach that already had imprints of bear paws.

that dayHe was gentle and even gentler if you asked him to, and he knew how to lay his head on my knee when a tough day would find me in my friend’s kitchen sipping tea and unraveling life’s complicated threads. He knew. That’s why he was not just ‘a dog’.

The boys’ eyes welled up when I told them the news, and mine teared up often during the day and then again the next day and the next. For the little boy, Ringo’s death was the first he experienced up close. Though Ringo was big, little boy always asked to hold the leash during walks because he knew he could trust him to listen. He did listen. And for all the times he didn’t, we loved him just the same.

Just like my dog many years ago, Ringo goes with bits of life I shared during evening walks on back alleys. One particularly bright evening this winter we left tracks on the new thin layer of snow and I was grateful for so much as I looked behind us and saw them.

Grateful for the gift of companionship my friend was sharing with me by sharing Ringo, and grateful that I could have my boys taste the heart-melting feeling of having a friend who makes you feel so utterly loved without needing any words to do so.

three boysTwo weeks ago we took him to the river. He tried to coax us to throw sticks in the water but we couldn’t. He had a dinner invite that evening which clearly stated ‘dry dog’ so I could not let him follow his impulses that one time. But we sat and watched ducks and geese waddling on the river shores and I laid my head on his in consolation. He accepted it and gently nuzzled me. I loved that. I will miss that.

 

MagicSo you see, his presence was more than just a dog’s presence would be. He was our friend in a way that will stay memorable and sweet. We will miss him and will always say his name with an extra happy note attached to it because he made it so. And I will always be grateful that I learned of that extra dimension of closeness that my friend gifted me by sharing Ringo.

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