Daniela Ginta, Freelance Writer

Gratitude makes the journey better. Kindness, too.

Category: Self-improvement Page 27 of 29

This Is Also Part Of Life

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On April 24, 2014

In Armchair Mayor Column, Life Stories, Self-improvement

(Originally published as a column in the AM News on Friday, April 18, 2014.)

Passing...It is the part of life that many of us only whisper about and parents often try to keep children protected from. Mine did. Because it hurts. But hurt is also part of life. Better processed when you’re not trying to make sense of it on your own as a kid, or dragging its shadows into adulthood.

I was six years old when my beloved maternal grandmother died suddenly. Something went wrong during a routine surgical operation that was meant to be just a couple-of-days-in-the-hospital procedure. I never got to say goodbye and no one else did because no one knew of what was to come.

When I was nine, my paternal grandfather passed away. I loved him dearly and had no clue about the long illness he was battling or about his impending death. I never got a chance to say goodbye.

As taxing as that would have been, it could’ve provided the kind of closure we need in order to process such events with grace.

My paternal grandparents died a few years later, and goodbyes were not said that time either.

My mom passed away suddenly eight years ago and though there was no typical goodbye, there was a premonitory conversation that included a farewell that had both closure of some sort and a good lesson in it.

My dad has been chronically ill for many years now and I have been given enough time to say some of the things people should say.

I had time to think of life as it slips away and appreciate its richness, its bittersweet flavor and its colorful shreds as I am trying to put them together to make sense of the tapestry we keep on weaving with every day that passes.

With my sons, I choose to celebrate both life and death. Choking on some words as they try to build themselves into sentences that describe life, understanding that they are becoming the very foundation we have to build today and all the tomorrows on, but most of all learning that appreciation of every day and of people we have around us can only be tangible if we are aware of both life and death as we go.

Withholding the reality of death from children is like not telling them of night because it brings darkness.

Giving ourselves and our children a chance to understand death and accept it helps us all appreciate life and better our ways as we go. It’s when we forget about the finality of it all that we can take it for granted.

My sons often play the game of ‘If you could have three magic powers, what would they be?’ and the one power I keep on pushing away from is to be immortal. It would make everything less worthwhile, I tell them.

They are puzzled every time. But think of all the things you get to do and never be afraid it all ending, they try to convince me.

But fear is, for once, an element that adds to life, I tell them.

If we choose to acknowledge it, it can guide us towards being grateful for every day as it comes and goes, and for people as they adjust their steps to match ours or walk in that tap-tapping cadence we share as we go through life, for as long as we do.

Awareness of an impending finality is what makes life precious. No season that lasts forever can bring the kind of joy that seasons as we know them do. Or sunsets. Or watching a child grow or sharing precious times with our loved ones.

We are strong in how we carry ourselves through life, in how we overcome challenges and in how we face new ones.

Knowing that everything ends somewhere adds the kind of humbleness that makes the journey worthwhile.

In building farewells as we go, we embrace time and people with all the gusto one can have knowing that we only have a limited time to make it happen. To make it last long after we’re gone. Because it will, as the ones we leave behind will carry it forward and make the best of it. Life, that is.

The Truth About Earth Day

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On April 22, 2014

In Environment, Self-improvement

LifeI woke up to rain and cloud-shrouded hills. I remembered it was Earth Day because yesterday we had a conversation about it.

Lights at school will be switched off during lunch time because it’s Earth Day, the boys announced. They found it funny. Why only at lunch time? Why only on Earth Day and why would we make such a big deal out of something we should do without any prompting anyway? Since we trot on the planet daily, switching lights on and leaving footprints bigger than life, it would make sense to have an Earth Day daily celebration policy.

At least people are reminded of it, you could argue. At least one day. It counts. Better than nothing.

But is one day enough? Is the green message of today strong enough to last for an entire year and are we earthlings determined enough to help the planet from today onward breathing in the oomph of a glorious Earth Day?

I have my doubts. Being the Earth Day Grinch is not about being negative, far from it. It is, as always, about scratching the surface to see is if there’s continuity in Earth-saving beliefs and practices once April 22nd comes to an end.

The way I see it, unless we follow up with lifestyle changes and see climate changes addressed, celebrating Earth Day with much fanfare seems a bit hypocritical.

GreenSharing beautiful photos and shedding emerald-green tears on April 22 of every year is sweet, but not even remotely enough to change things.

If it’s Earth Day, let’s make it so. No ‘freebies with your purchase,’ no ‘5 dollars off Earth Day coupon’ or ‘enter Earth Day promotional code at checkout.’

It is important (vital?) to stall the big machinery that produces consumer goods at a rate that would overwhelm not just one planet – it does! – but several, should we have the luxury of planet backup to begin with (we don’t.)

Last year, the Conference Board of Canada released a report that revealed the amount of garbage generated by each citizen: a shift-in-your-seat 777 kg/person. What’s worse, the garbage mountains have been growing steadily since 1990.

Sure we know why. Manufacturing goes through the roof, marketing is a beast made even harder to resist with our rushed lifestyle, and …well, the cradle-to-grave concept makes no sense when every year new models slightly different than last year’s roll in with that addition that somehow we never wanted but now we crave…

But this is not sustainable. What then?

Have the echoes of all the well-intended Earth Day celebrations eluded us?

What are we doing wrong, other than refusing to accept a truth that shows itself in many shapes and repeatedly so, in a zig-zag of weather and climate torment that we will never be ready for no matter how many emergency kits we stack near the entrance.

SomberThe planet has been increasingly more affected by global warming since that first Earth Day in 1970 and, according to Time magazine, many more of us have joined the ranks of climate change skeptics. In other words, it ain’t happening because we find it hard to believe it’s really happening.

Reminders to celebrate Earth Day are sure helpful, but what about tomorrow? Or two weeks from now? Three months down the road?

Sticking to one day a year will not do anymore. Nor will sticking to planting a tree or turning the tap off while brushing teeth. Curbing the non-renewable resource dependency needs to happen and fast. We need to act all grown-up and implement bigger changes if we are to celebrate Earth Day in earnestness.

Once...The question is: will there be enough time to make up our minds by the time Earth Day celebrations roll in next April 22? And next?

From a human point of view we will have enough time to plan fun games, swap spectacular photos and say wow, and organize community events that will remind us all of how lucky we are to have such a beautiful place to live. Because we are.

Problem is, we are not the ones to have the last word. Our planet will. In face of climate change and imminent global warming, we need to have the humbleness to recognize that and act accordingly…

As I finish writing this rain pounds over the garden and the new crop peeks from muck, soon to grow into lush green rows. We’re still safe for now. Seasons follow each other the way they always have, but fear is there too.

Can that be the wind in our wings? Let’s hope so…  Make it a happy Earth Day! Today, tomorrow and every day after that. Make it last.

 

Life As I See It. So Far

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On April 16, 2014

In Life Stories, Self-improvement

Mirrors in lifeI always had this fascination with balls of yarn and spools. Questions. I’d try to undo the ball of yarn just to get to the other end. Because that was where it all started, deep inside. Or was the beginning the end that I was holding?

See what I mean? There is no way of settling it unless you pick one just because and that’s that.

People’s lives are like that too. That’s what they look like to me. Balls of yarn. There is the end that is available for all to see but more unravels as you listen to their stories, or see how the glimmer of sunsets and full moons makes them tear up, by how they talk of times past and broken dreams and life happenings that untangled more yarn they expected and now they are half undone, shreds hanging here and there.

It’s like that with all of us. With some more than others.

Sometimes you get a glimpse of where it all started, or enough pieces that, if you take the time and courage to put together, may reveal the way it was in the beginning… The end of the spool. The beginning. The way all life adventures begin.

Unraveling a bit here and a bit there is how it’s done. Life, I mean. It can be ungracious when too much gets undone, or when the yarn breaks and you have to tie knots to keep on going and they show. Truth is, we all hide knots of one kind or another. Until one day, when we bid goodbye to righteousness and decide to stop hiding.

The day we start living our own truth. As we see it, as we live it, as the only one there ever was.

Truth, counted in knots, just like the winds at sea. Because, in a way, that’s what they are. Tattle-tellers of grace and ungrace, of coming undone and realizing that though painful at times, our wings expand further than before. And with liberating freedom.

There’s much to be learned when knots are considered not faults but facts of life, or life as we know it. Ours and others’.

That’s how life is. Everyone unravels at some point. Yarn breaks. We tie it up. And we keep at it. But if we spend too much time of judging everyone else’s knots, how they are much too weak in how they are tied, or too big, or too tight or not tight enough… we may just miss that it’s not about how knots are tied but in how unraveled yarn comes together to help weave the pattern of life.

Life is ungracious in how it unravels us. In how it shows us what humble is and what being human is all about.

I came to realize that it is not in whether we are graceful or not as we step through life, or in how we tie our knots, but rather in how we learn to help others tie theirs when they struggle through it, because somehow, life is the kind of weaving that can only tell the real story of us when all the broken, knot-full yarns become part of it.

TapestryAnd that only happens when we acknowledge that being human is one of the faultiest, most beautiful and humbling adventures we’ll ever be in. When we have the courage to face it in all its truth that is.

Time Well Spent? You Decide

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On March 23, 2014

In Life Stories, Self-improvement

TimeI often get to the end of the day thinking of all the things I did not get to do rather than the ones I did. Somehow, come 10pm or so, no matter how much I get done during the day, the dark cloud of ‘not enough’ looms over my head.

Not enough is the leitmotif of today’s life. Not enough is enough to drive one rather anxious.

Unless.

It took a morning drive through thick rain a couple of weeks ago to be startled enough to see it.

Rain that morning was a big creature with a watery tongue that licked the windshield incessantly, giving the wipers more trouble than ever. The radio churned news in the background and thoughts abounded. It had been a rushed morning with barely any conversations with the boys. Utilitarian mornings like that point to the reality of today’s pace of life. Rushed.

Hard to escape the feeling of, again, not enough. Time, words, mornings, smiles, hugs, peace of mind… not enough of any.

The words on the radio caught me off-guard.

There will be a new test able to reveal whether or not someone’s at risk for developing Alzheimer’s. ‘Would you do it?’ the show host asked. The guest said yes without hesitation.

Both her parents had Alzheimer’s and both slipped into it without being aware of leaving their world as they knew it. Save for the occasional episodes of being in the moment and owning their present, as well as their memories, those two people and so many others like them, had no more chances of understanding life as it was. She said that her parents did not get to do enough to feel fulfilled, and her regret was that she did not have more time with them before they got lost in that illness.

Does it make sense to know what’s ahead? Yes and no. I don’t want to know the future, but I want the awareness of tomorrow’s possible slipperiness to make the best of today.

In a world where we forget half the things we did yesterday because today piles too much on an already full plate, what’s worth spending time on anyway? What are the things worth doing that might save us from forgetting the days we leave behind? Is it maybe about ‘planting’ something that extends beyond the boundaries of self?

The dialogue on the radio was still going on when I turned off the car; outside voices quiet, my thoughts were the only ones left on the scene. We are on borrowed time and often investing it all in castles built on sand, are we not?

What’s worth spending time then? Joy? I’d say. And the feeling of ‘I don’t want to miss out on this.’

What is it that you do not want to miss out on?

The mystery of life, the big purpose of why we’re here, one could build a long glittery succession of big words and lofty dreams. But is that it?

Ultimately, defining what’s worth spending time on goes hand in hand with defining ourselves, while noting that life slips away regardless, and spreading ourselves too far from who we truly are, from what we are, dilutes the very experience of life.

The fragment of that conversation a few mornings ago made me look carefully at how I define myself.

Time spent right takes us, surely and diligently, towards the answer to the old, mystery-shrouded question about why we are here in the first place.

It’s time spent right that will save us from heartbreaking regret and allow us to say that in how we spent our time we found our purpose.

Mine is spent on musing and writing, on seeing things as I walk through life, literally and otherwise, with my sons and the man with whom I share life. We happen upon stories of ourselves, stories of life as it happens, stories bigger than ourselves.

It’s humbling to realize that time spent on listening to boys’ grumbles, their struggles with figuring out life and people, their incessant belly laughs when a silly toilet-related joke drops in the middle of yet another dinner table, their spying on cats and crumpled leafs and all that dawdling that makes us all so late so often and me so aware of all of that being more real than anything else… It’s all worth it.

The hum of rushed life is growing every day till it becomes deafening. At least at times it does, taking us father from ourselves. Society expectations, pressure of this kind or another, they tend to blow unwanted winds into our sails, pushing us into shores we’ve never meant to get close to, and that much further from where we should be.

Time spent right, if we have the courage to do so, I believe it can unfog the lenses through which we see ourselves and our lives. True or not, it’s worth trying… So we won’t have to face the regret that we haven’t, or leave someone behind with the painful legacy of ‘not enough’…

Awareness, as always, can be both a blessing and a curse. And, as always, it is our choice to make it one or the other…

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Moral Dilemma And Its Dire Consequences

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On February 6, 2014

In Environment, Kamloops, Self-improvement, Social issues

We were recently thrown into the car buying world by having our old vehicle succumb to a seized engine.  I admit to not liking shopping, less so when it involves visiting car dealerships or car shopping in general.

We browsed, assessed, test drove and by the end of the day decided on a used car. With a ‘let’s sleep on it’ attached to it. So we did. The next morning we took another look and midday saw us started on the ownership procedures.

Before the final handshake we were asked about the one thing that has emotions and judgment part ways and though it’s not a race, the latter loses. Yep, it is the extended warranty issue. For peace of mind, we were told. In case anything breaks down, they’ve got you covered. To a certain extent, that is. We decided to consider it, so we were handed the chubby envelope. Shake hands, congratulations, drive safe and enjoy.

Right.

For the next couple of days we consulted with knowledgeable family and friends, read reviews, articles and opinions from both car and financial gurus, asked a mechanic, and decided, with no second thoughts whatsoever, to cancel the extended warranty. Too many nauseating clauses and not enough backing up of the actual warranty.

This has been a good learning experience. For starters, reading the list of exclusions from coverage has been an eye-opener. I read it out loud, twice here and there. I had to; the lingo is a mind-twister, so buyer beware.

As expected, this small bump caused some afterthoughts, such as why would someone, anyone who believes in keeping their conscience clean, agree to sell any product that is not backed up by a no-loophole policy. While some extended warranties may be valid (I choose to remain on the skeptics’ side) the truth is that the majority have loopholes that have to be carefully assessed. Everything is a compromise in the end.

But the afterthoughts spilled into bigger ones, triggered by recently released news about the Alberta oilsands. Yes, again, the oilsands, but this is not just any news, but news of underreported data about pollutants like mercury and polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons from the oilsands tailings ponds. They are present in much higher amounts than reported and they are toxic and/or carcinogenic. Killer news indeed.

The common denominator is the same: lack of?… Why wouldn’t someone come clean about the tailings ponds? The oil extraction causes pollution which has severe adverse effects on health and the environment, but it also creates wealth and jobs, so if one is to be objective, all the premises have to be considered. Yet regardless of which side of the arguments you are on, truth should not be distorted or withheld because it is the solid ground we have in establishing whether an enterprise is worth pursuing or not. Why not report objectively then and make the necessary adjustments in order to reduce impact before someone gets hurt, wildlife trampled and the environment soiled.

The old story of money and conscience… When large sums of money are at play, there is a risk of people’s conscience hiding behind arguments that have an expiration date.

I see it often and it is troubling every time. I wrote many features about chemicals we come in contact with every day. They are cancer-causing, or have endocrine disrupting capabilities, or are associated with neurological problems. Or all of them together.

The common refrain from the industry that manufactures or the companies push them into use is the same. These chemicals may be dangerous but they are present in such low amounts that people should not be worried. Independent studies show the opposite, and the conclusions are chilling: the said chemicals have adverse reactions at very low doses.

The question is again: how could someone sleep at night knowing that they have the power of deciding to stand up for what’s right and they don’t? How can they look at themselves in the mirror knowing that they voted to keep a certain chemical in household products, or they were part of those who decided to underreport the true state of cancer-causing pollutants despite the fact that research points to dreadful, long-term effects.

The latest news regarding the exploitation of natural resources in Canada point to a reality that is hard to ignore. Despite environmental committees suggesting that certain projects pose too high a risk for people and the environment and need to be reviewed or reconsidered, people behind the projects push for their completion regardless of possible dire consequences.

Why?

I’d say lack of social conscience. Detachment from the understanding of what a community really is, and from the age-old truth that people and their environment rely on each other to stay alive.

I am inclined to say that this is a new reality, that things were perhaps different back in the day. I do not know for sure if that’s the case. What I know is that even though information is present in huge amounts and transparency is possible, the sheer amount of information in all walks of life, the number of problems that inundate people like you and me, make us lose track of things. Many important issues that affect all of us are taken care of behind closed doors by people who have the power of decision but often leave their conscience at home.

Where do we draw the line? From an individual level to communities and countries, integrity is a valuable quality.

When our house got broken into and stuff was stolen, I kept asking why and found no answer. Someone left their conscience outside the door and went through our things, trampling over beds and looking for valuables.

Were they at any point after that haunted by the wrongness of it or by the faces they saw smiling at them from pictures scattered around the house? Who knows. It may be that repeated episodes like that lower the threshold to remorse-free levels.

What can be said about people who sell questionable products, or withhold vital information, distort facts that could end up hurting entire communities and rip pieces of land apart?

Is is possible to return to acceptable levels of social conscience? After all, and I said it many times before, we all live on the same planet. The consequences of our actions will collectively affect us.

The way I see it, the worst outcome would be to have these people say it wasn’t worth it in the end, because by then the consequences of their actions will be painful and they would’ve realized that no amount of regret will make things better.

Even in the land of the ever apologetic Canadians, there is no ‘I am sorry’ to fix the long-term effects of a missing social conscience, whether at a individual, corporate or government level.

 

These Are … Whose Games?

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On January 30, 2014

In Environment, Life Stories, Self-improvement, Social issues

It’s snowing white plump butterflies and all I can think of is snow tumbles and plain silly fun. Snowfall with chubby snowflakes is as quiet as can be, but also loud in what it evokes in one’s soul. Winter magic, you know.

To that, one could add the titillating countdown to the Winter Olympics in Sochi and there you have it: winter fun, hard work, celebration of people dedicating so much of themselves for the love of the game. Soul inebriation at its best. If you have severe tunnel vision that is…

Why? I will explain.

I was never a dedicated armchair sports fan but the Olympic Games have a way of tying most of us down and making us rub our hands with excitement and anticipation. Witnessing the magic in intoxicating, isn’t it?

Yet as the time of the Sochi Olympic Games approaches the magic fades, only partially, one could hope, making way for the somber reality to set in.

The games this year are the most taxing so far in the history of Olympic Games, according to many experts. Sochi residents are confronted with the least glamorous side of it. They are poorer than ever before and have given up the hope that their neighborhoods will be upgraded to livable status. There are half-demolished outhouses that you have to wade through muck to get to. The contrast with the sparkling details of the side of the community where the games are taking place is shameful at best. And humiliating, in the midst of all that winter sparkle.

No one could have predicted the present decrepit reality of the ‘invisible’ Sochi seven years ago when the rather worn-out Black Sea resort was awarded the great honour of hosting the Olympic Games.

Stop at that for a bit. Honour.

There is no honour in pushing people into squalor. Socially speaking, the games will unfortunately increase an existing inequality.

It’s a struggle to find the concept of honour reflected in most aspects of this year’s big games, which is a shame and an insult to all athletes and their supporters. Estimated to be the most expensive, at a cost of over $50 billion dollars, the Sochi Games have, for starters, an environmental footprint that will take years, if at all, to erase. Large areas have been deforested, rivers and large patches of land have been soiled, and sponsors like Gazprom have their name up in gold letters as supporters of winter fun.

A petition originated by SumOfUs.org is fighting to get people to boycott the imprisonment of two Orca whales in a dolphinarium at the Sochi Olympic Games. Bad karma? You could say so. Our actions paint our image after all. We are what we look at, you’d have to agree. Imprisoned animals in this case.

There are stories of corruption and large sums of money being pocketed by the already rich ones just like there are stories of many migrant workers who were not paid their hard earned wages after the work was done. Inequality hurts terribly when you’re on the wrong side of the equation.

There are threats of terrorist attacks from groups that have claimed a couple of suicide bombing attacks last month in the nearby city of Volgograd.

In the light of all of this, the question is: What has become of the glory of the Olympic Games? There are giant concerns, some of which were briefly shared above, and more will come to light. Athletes should not have to concern themselves with possible terrorist attacks, social or political issues that taint the coming together of many nations in celebration of winter sports.

Sochi citizens should benefit from being the hosts of such a major sports event. Instead, they see a parallel world that is being built right in their backyard (for some literally,) a world that is surreal and glamorous, a world that most of them will never get to even visit let alone enjoy once the games are over.

The Olympic Games should be about the joy of competing and displaying the fruit of years of training hard and believing you can surpass your wildest and highest expectations. A celebration of sportsmanship, a learning experience of gigantic proportions and memories to last a lifetime.

I know what you’re thinking. Big games are also about big money. And politics finds its way into the big games as well. True enough. But principles should be there too. As a sign of respect to the nature of the game, as a tribute to humanity and as a way to elevate people’s spirits. The Olympic Games should not just be for the benefit of a handful of athletes, sponsors or organizers. After all, the Olympic flame is still burning after many years, the image of an ideal that is not allowed to die. Why do we allow our common values to take a plunge then?

The question remains: Why take away so much of the magic of the games from the people who work the hardest to get there, from those who offer their space to host it and from all of us who believe in witnessing such monumental events? There’s sweat and dreams rolled up in hope, there’s expectations and joy. They should not, at any time, be soiled by less than acceptable standards, environmentally, socially and politically speaking.

 

The Case of Missing Innocence – A Sequel

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On January 28, 2014

In Kamloops, Life Stories, Motherhood, Self-improvement, Social issues

Last night I attended Jesse Miller‘s talk about kids and social media: the good, the bad and the ugly. As expected, ugly can get uglier with a click and Miller explained how.

The topic is as heavy as it is complicated. The recurring refrain was the one that seems to be the only viable solution, yet somehow the hardest to apply: dialogue. Children love to talk and they have a hefty amount of common sense which gets diluted with time.

If there was ever a time when parents have to hold on to their kids for dear life, I’d say this is it. The ever expansive social experiment of already gargantuan dimensions keeps on growing and the risk of losing ourselves and our children in it grows with it.

Children are barely prepared for life when they make their debut on any social media, that is a fact. Miller emphasized that. Children have the means to understand tech, they have the firing synapses that allow them to understand how the internet works and, thanks to their parents and a killer set of nag-plea-implore-till-you-get strategies, they have access to the latest in smartphone innovation.

But, they miss life experience. And it shows, sooner than expected. That’s where the parents come in. Ideally, through open dialogue that happens regularly rather than when the unthinkable happens, which is why last night’s talk took place to begin with.

Interestingly enough though, many parents commit their children to the unforgiving forces of social media very early on. The perspective offered by Miller was an eye-opener for many I hope. Parents dump folder after folder of family photos on Facebook and Instagram; instances of their children’s life milestones, from the trenches of potty training to the glamour of graduation, and everything in between.

Many children who are now tweens and teens – the high risk category for offending, are becoming offenders or victims – have had a camera pointed at them since they can remember. Miller aptly points to the obvious: What are they going to do when they are given their own device? That’s right: Click and post.

The question that is always left unanswered in my opinion is this: Why do we feel the need to share so much detail with strangers? I am challenged by the notion of friendship of Facebook, I said it before. How did we become comfortable with the idea of sharing life bits? Why do we allow hundreds of people, Facebook friends, Instagram or Twitter followers, peek at our life events while still insisting on pulling the curtains at night?

There were a handful of take home messages last night, such as:

  • Establish some good boundaries that will allow you to set a good example (no touching the phone while driving for example, no phone at the dinner table, and disconnect during family time)
  • Talk to your kids about the dangers of sharing personal details with hordes of strangers (a couple of high school kids in the audience confirmed that many of their peers take photos of their driver’s license and post it online)
  • Everything (or almost everything) that one posts online stays somewhere online. Scary to think about now that so much of your life is out there? That’s the point. Privacy is no longer to be expected.

There wasn’t a lot of talking about the sensible topic of inappropriate ‘selfies’ (the word of the year in 2013, and yes feel free to cringe) which caused an uproar at the South Kamloops Secondary School, but these share the same fate with the rest of things shared: They’ll be somewhere out there long after one wishes they’ll be gone. what’s worse, they become grounds for cyber bullying, shaming and, as seen over the last few years, they can push young people to commit suicide.

A chilling fact shared by Miller last night was the high number of views Amanda Todd’s You Tube video got after she died. In the millions that is. Sadly ironic, she was trying to attract attention to her case so that bullying would stop. It didn’t, until she took her own life.

‘Trending’, another strong social media term, makes no distinction between good and bad. if it gains audience it trends. Children should not be expected to make fair judgment calls about the content they see. Social media where information, questionable or not, piles up like a hundred avalanches a day, will keep being what it is: A repository that may or may not contain your child’s life bits, photos and opinions about life.

That’s why parents need to step in and provide guidance. it’s a learning experience for parents and children, but clumsiness makes both parties endearing to each other rather than resentful, so indulge. let loose, show that you’ve never done the social media thing before but maintain the one thing every parent should: That you know more about life and that puts you not in the friend seat but the parent seat. it’s a privilege and a challenge, and believe it or not, children know it and expect it.

For now, it comes down to this: boundaries and common sense have to be there. They have no expiration date because no matter where you are in life, if you make them your allies, you’ll be on solid ground.

I left the room last night with a lot of questions, and with an enhanced perspective over an issue that has been with me for a long time now.

in 2012, following Amanda Todd’s death, I left Facebook. I did not want to be a bystander. I knew, just like I know today, that children younger then 14 are allowed on Facebook when they should not be and that is akin to allowing them to drive long before they have the skills or maturity to do so. I knew, just like I know today, that in some parts of that virtual space someone is being bullied and someone might just decide to end their life to stop their suffering and the public shaming.

More than a year after that, I made my appearance on Facebook again, with the sole intention of sharing my writing, which, I was told, might just be a shame to miss if the issue is worth sharing.

My personal page though, which I need to have in order to have an author page, has been stripped to almost nothing. I took down the few photos I shared back when I thought Facebook to be a connection tool with faraway family and friends because I find no reason to share life bits like that. Sure it takes effort and time to maintain correspondence with those who matter, but then again, such efforts are nothing but an illustration of our caring for them, and the other way around.

I don’t expect anyone to share my beliefs, and I also fear that pending lack of engagement on the said platform over issues that I write about and I consider important, I might opt out again.

The thing is, there is a lack of strict boundaries that troubles me. One could argue that the plethora of social media platforms makes the denial of one almost insignificant. True. But I would like to take one of the messages from last night’s talk and solidify it: Do as you expect your children to do.

I have an open dialogue with my sons. To a fault, one could say. Yes, that close, and I am nothing but grateful for it. There is nothing we shy away from when it comes to talking and debating. To listening. I want to keep that alive: the openness, and the gratefulness attached to it.

But I also want to set boundaries that I hope will inspire my sons to think that in all the craziness of hurried, privacy-robbed times, our living space maintained enough common sense to spill into their decisions as they grow up.

One could hope.

 

 

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