It’s the ads that got me this time. The first one says something like this:  “Now the goodness of fruit without the tedious chewing.” Strike one.

The second one says “No drain tuna.” Strike two.

Followed by “no bones, no skin canned salmon.” Strike three. We all know what happens after that. That’s right. Three strikes, you’re out. I am.

It bugs me, you see. Greatly. Chewing is good for your teeth, good for your jaws, it’s been employed by generations of scary, less scary and harmless creatures alike. We’re talking millions of years. To survive, to thrive, to fight. To exist. Now we call it tedious. Ha! We don’t want to chew our fruit, we don’t want to see the dreadful bones and flappy skin that accompany the salmon flesh – the guts on them! – and we can’t be bothered to drain a can of tuna. Never mind the tuna.  Never mind the whole business of depleting the stocks until there’s barely any. It’s that liquid that drives us nuts. Get it out before it reaches the delicate consumer. Heck, if the tuna disappears we’ll find another worthy fish or make some out of chicken meat.

The real food issue again. Real food. There are apples that have to chewed, as tough as that sounds. Salmon comes with bones, a vertebrate’s right one could argue, and rightfully so. Bones is calcium, a good source of it for us humans. Real food is real. Carrots may have dirt on them and lettuce leaves may harbor some tiny bugs, each with six legs – the horror of it!

So these three derived-from-real-food kind of foods will be presented to us as mush. Soft on the palate, no chewing, no extra liquid. Take a spoonful or a sip, swallow, repeat. If we want chewing then we create with the krinkle-cut potato chips. That should work. Because you see, we need to hear the crunch. I find it satisfying. When it comes with the whole apple that is.

Rethinking our eating habits we should. Eat what’s in season, miss it if it’s not the season yet, you’ll find it that much yummier when it comes your way, don’t settle for what’s lost touch with reality. Chew. Deal?