Daniela Ginta, Freelance Writer

Gratitude makes the journey better. Kindness, too.

Author: Daniela Ginta Page 37 of 99

My path is a winding one. I write, I raise my sons, I love and I live.
Waking up to a new adventure every day. I have all that I need at every moment.

A Dog Named Ringo

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On April 4, 2016

In Life Stories

20160220_152251I am not good at delivering bad news. So the other morning when I showed up looking rather serious in the boys’ bedroom and said ‘I have sad news’, merely confirmed my lack of skill in the area.

One of my best friend’s dog died. Oh, you’ll say, that. Yes, that, but he was not ‘just a dog’ and I will tell you why. You see, having been through my fair share of losses of people I loved dearly since the age of six I know death well enough to know it reeks of helplessness. I accept it but I will never just shrug and say ‘Life is like that’ because I cannot say that with a straight face or I’d be lying.

This dog named Ringo was the reason I met my friend you see. A couple of days after we moved to Kamloops almost four years ago we were at the river where the sand is fine and sparkly, and the river laps ever so gently over your feet if you approach the water line. It’s the dog beach, my favourite in town (as long as you avoid the mid-summer madness.) Dogs have it good and I don’t mind because they can appreciate water and beaches.

That day we were four strangers on a pretty sandy beach trying to make sense of our new surroundings. A golden retriever was running in and out of the water, happy as happy can be. I don’t know if dogs ever laugh, but he was doing it right then and there.

I watched him, his joyful puppy face and his big golden frame dripping with water. He made me smile. The next thing I know I was talking to his owner. She and Ringo were to become our first friends here. A few days later when her and I met for a walk by the river, he spotted me coming from afar and ran to greet me. He jumped and gave me a kiss on the side of my mouth. Boundaries you say? Well, I took it as a compliment.

‘He’s not usually doing that…’ my bemused friend explained. We nicknamed him Lips and our friendship grew richer since because he was in it.

There is no obituary I can throw here without sounding melodramatic. That’s not what I want either. The morning I told the boys that Ringo died unexpectedly I choked though and my voice was teary. Because he was such an important part of our life here you see.

We’d take him for walks, or he would come to our place for the day. We would have him in the car on the way to some hills for a hike, lodged in between the boys and he would always put his big furry head on my armrest. I’d pet him in between the eyes and he would close them gently.

He always made sure the boys were close by when we hiked and if they got too far he ran to check on them. I hugged him often, checked him for cacti and ticks when needed and felt his soft fur with my feet when my friend and I sat for tea on the sofa and he lay on the floor under the coffee table, not bearing to be out of the conversation. We joked that he should have his own cup of tea too.

We once went to a lake and kayaked and he swam alongside the kayak, amazing me with his strength and determination to keep up with us. We kayaked up a stream to where the woods were mysterious and a bit frightening and I felt safe because Ringo was with us. His tracks and ours were left scattered on a sunny beach that already had imprints of bear paws.

that dayHe was gentle and even gentler if you asked him to, and he knew how to lay his head on my knee when a tough day would find me in my friend’s kitchen sipping tea and unraveling life’s complicated threads. He knew. That’s why he was not just ‘a dog’.

The boys’ eyes welled up when I told them the news, and mine teared up often during the day and then again the next day and the next. For the little boy, Ringo’s death was the first he experienced up close. Though Ringo was big, little boy always asked to hold the leash during walks because he knew he could trust him to listen. He did listen. And for all the times he didn’t, we loved him just the same.

Just like my dog many years ago, Ringo goes with bits of life I shared during evening walks on back alleys. One particularly bright evening this winter we left tracks on the new thin layer of snow and I was grateful for so much as I looked behind us and saw them.

Grateful for the gift of companionship my friend was sharing with me by sharing Ringo, and grateful that I could have my boys taste the heart-melting feeling of having a friend who makes you feel so utterly loved without needing any words to do so.

three boysTwo weeks ago we took him to the river. He tried to coax us to throw sticks in the water but we couldn’t. He had a dinner invite that evening which clearly stated ‘dry dog’ so I could not let him follow his impulses that one time. But we sat and watched ducks and geese waddling on the river shores and I laid my head on his in consolation. He accepted it and gently nuzzled me. I loved that. I will miss that.

 

MagicSo you see, his presence was more than just a dog’s presence would be. He was our friend in a way that will stay memorable and sweet. We will miss him and will always say his name with an extra happy note attached to it because he made it so. And I will always be grateful that I learned of that extra dimension of closeness that my friend gifted me by sharing Ringo.

The Case of Environmental Conundrums

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On March 30, 2016

In Climate change, Environment, Kamloops, Learning, Social issues

Initially published as a column in NewsKamloops on Friday March 25, 2016. 

Last Friday I was inside the Grand Hall at TRU listening, alongside a large crowd, the preliminary conclusions regarding the Ajax mine. Among chuckles drawn by the word ‘tundra’ used to describe some of the Kamloops landscape, serious concerns were brought forth.

Yes, the city and its surroundings will be affected. ‘Not insignificant’ became the refrain throughout the presentation. There will be dust (the 94 percent mitigation plan sounded like a silly joke) and there will be increased noise levels, particulate matter pollution and vibrations that might see homes closest to the site affected. There will some serious impact on the wildlife in the area, as well as the salmon in the Thompson River. And there is lots more.

So far, that was well-spent money one could say, though the process is not over and the proponent promises to add facts that will fill in the gaps and showcase the positive.

A recent scandal over serious environmental offenses by the same KGHM in Chile brings up a matter that has to be discussed, not just in regards to the Ajax mine but many other projects in our province.

Why is it that many of these corporations promise to adhere to world-class standards while developing their projects in Canada while their presence in other parts of the world points to the opposite? What transformations occur once they set foot on Canadian soil and if their ethics are so strong to keep their promises, why not start with the areas where the said violations are happening?

The recent approval of the Woodfibre LNG project in Squamish and the potential approval of Pacific NorthWest LNG proposed by Petronas near Lelu Island are but two more examples of why we need to reassess our priorities.

That many people are willing to forgo the serious threat that is climate change and the immediate environmental threats to their area in the face of corporate promising is baffling. Resources that come with a huge carbon footprint are best left in the ground at this point in time and the focus placed on sustainable energies that will create job opportunities and economic growth without the environmental toll.

Our province has what it takes to become an example of sustainability and mindful resource management that questions and carefully assesses corporate interest and with a focus on people and the environment.

Yet reality points to the opposite and moreover, it points to major media outlets being silent about it. The recently approved Side C project that is meant to provide energy mostly for the fracking projects in the area is worrisome on many levels. It will cost a lot to build, it will destroy vital farming land and its energy will be mostly feeding the fracking industry in the area.

As of now, there are people who have entered a hunger strike, one of them 11 days ago, determined to bring attention to the issue. Their desperate cry has yet to make the headlines. We can call them extremists and we can judge their ways, yet the bottom line is that they stand up for a world that belongs to us all. The least they deserve is to be acknowledged.

That is one of today’s dilemmas: people who stand for the environment, questioning either a mine, a dam, or an LNG plant that will see one of the most important salmon habitats in British Columbia threatened, are classified as troublemakers while their signaling of potential problems is not only backed up by scientific facts and reports, but also by increasing concerns over climate change which no matter how positive one is, it becomes borderline delusional to think it less serious than it is.

On the other hand, the recent media focus on the Ghomeshi trial and as of yesterday on the protesters that are not agreeing with the judge’s decision, should make us shake our heads and wonder about the topsy-turvy situation we are privy to. Some protesters are better suited for the news than others.

Things would look considerably different if the current provincial government’s agenda included trustworthy approaches to such issues, yet that is barely the case.

The Mount Polley disaster (classified as one of the worst disaster in Canadian mining history) got Imperial Metals into the headlines for a while; a review was conducted and a ‘poor practice’ stamp was applied to it in the end, with no serious consequences for the company. Moreover, four more mines in the north-west BC will have similar tailings pond constructions and in case you’ve been wondering, Imperial Metals owns one of them.

Yes, the Alaskans have every right to be concerned, and everyone living in BC should. Any accidents similar to Mount Polley would endanger the watersheds in the area, and accidents may happen especially when the corporate money-saving agenda precludes the concerns for the environment.

If weak mining regulations in this case allow for questionable projects like that to exist and more to be built, then it is only logical to inquire about the promised world-class standards that corporations are to provide as they carry on with resource exploration projects in our province. Is that in the best interest of our province? As for the employment deal, a handful of jobs in each case (100 annually for Woodfibre LNG in Squamish and 500 or so here at home for Ajax) can sound promising but will hardly sweeten the bitter environmental pill that comes with each of these projects.

The question we have to ask ourselves is simple: what’s worth more to us? Not as individuals but as people sharing the place we call home, the only one we have and the one we have to stand for. There are things that can get people enraged over, some awfully trivial at times (just check the news) and yet the biggest one of all has become the elephant in the room. It’s high time we attend to it, even as a conversation to start with. Everything is at risk if we don’t.

The Search of Meaning Behind Darkness

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On March 22, 2016

In Life Stories, Social issues

‘Everything that is done in the world is done by hope.’ Martin Luther

I have a round rock on my desk with a word on it: tranquility. It was given to be by the elderly lady who lived across the street from us during our first years in Kamloops.

It was after little boy’s most violent so far asthma attack when ambulances and fire trucks created the show of bright lights no one wants to be a direct part of. The rock is a reminder that someone cared enough to think of me needing it, then went looking for it and put it in my hand. That our former neighbour is almost blind makes it that much more meaningful.

The rock makes me think of that desirable state every time I pick it up and my thumb caresses over the word, erasing a few more molecules of paint every time, reminding me of how fragile the very concept is and how blinded we are when it comes to finding its meaning or at least stay on the path leading to it. The word eludes me still and, I dare say, most of the people out there.

Today the world got shattered again by two terrorist attacks in Brussels. The shadows are back again. In our world that is, the world where you can walk, on any given day, by a golden daffodil and actually see it without having to fear that a bomb or a bullet might kill you. Yet so many other people in other parts of the world do not get to see their daffodils bloom or they don’t care anymore if they are in bloom or not because life where they are does not allow for it. Today is a reminder of all of that and more.

It’s senseless. The death some humans hurl onto others. History has proven time and time again that hurting will only bring more of the same. The death of the innocent will make some turn to forgiveness and the rest to hatred, which is the unfortunate fuel that powers such attacks and the short unproductive answer to the most unproductive question of all: Why?

Today people were killed in retaliation, following the arrest of a suspect of the Paris attack just four days ago (claimed by the Islamic State). It makes no sense at all to most of us. It only casts a shadow as big and dark as the shadow of crime can be, leaving us bewildered as to how to find our way back to hope and faith in humanity. Tranquility?

That the world has been an unkind place for too long is no secret. We have made it to the moon and back more than once, we have split the atom and yet here we are, still clueless in the face of unexpected violent death that humans inflict upon humans. As much as I want to think that one day such things will not happen, I cannot.

Today is a reminder that we carry both love and hatred in our hearts, light and darkness to use as we see fit, two sides to learn from and employ in our search for meaning. Today will make some more hateful and others less so as they understand that hatred and revenge lower us to below human while pointing to the obvious: we are all the same, capable of both, and the choice of one over the other is what makes us different in how we live.

Today comes with grief and questions. It reminds of death and hope also, and it reminds of how choosing to unload the burden of hatred makes us light enough to carry on with the search for what makes sense.

Today is a day to remember to pray for all of those who suffer as they go to sleep tonight knowing that they’ll wake up without their loved ones, for those who try to not lose their hearts to hatred and for those who are hiding in its dark corners still, ready to take more lives and refusing to understand that meaning will never come from killing and causing someone to suffer. Today tries us and our strength to carry on hoping, yet again and despite of.

20160321_180232Today reminds of the truth we so often forget… The day is all we have, the chance to make it count renewed each day. On any given day, we catch wisps of hope from wherever we can find them and hurry to unravel strands of despair, crushing them as we strive to find our way through shadows and refusing to give in to fear and hatred, because meaning is never to be found in places where they exist.

Why Address Bad Driving

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On March 18, 2016

In Armchair Mayor Column, Environment, Kamloops, Learning, Life Stories, Social issues

Initially published as a column in NewsKamloops on Friday March 11, 2016. 

It happened on March 2nd and it almost slipped under the radar. A tractor-trailer that was carrying diesel fuel crashed on Highway 16 in Mt. Robson Provincial Park, spilling at least 20,000 litres of its load into the Fraser River and the surrounding area.

Now, 20,000 litres is not insignificant. Since the full load was 50,000 litres, your guess is as good as mine as to how much might’ve actually spilled after all. A lot of it dissipated below detectable levels 24 kilometers or so from the accident site, according to the BC Ministry of Environment quoted by a local newspaper.

That is bad news, if only the big media would’ve made it so. Not to sensationalize, not to create fear but to raise an important question regarding road safety and one of the dreadful consequences of poor driving.

The Fraser River is the longest river in British Columbia, one of the most productive salmon rivers in the world and the site of the largest Sockeye run in the world. Hardly the place that a spill will leave no trace.

In general, diesel sinks quickly and cold temperatures make the cleanup more troublesome. Our iconic fish have been challenged lately by issues related to climate change, such as low water levels and warmer than usual water temperatures, which make them susceptible to diseases and parasites. Nature is resilient, we know that, yet over 20,000 litres of diesel fuel is no small thing on top of everything else. Time will tell.

There’s only that much crying we can do over spilled diesel though once an accident has happened. Any environmental incident deserves attention, and this one deserves more than it got, yet today’s column will focus more on what caused it rather than its ill effects.

It is believed that speed and early morning slippery road conditions were the reason for the above accident. An inquiry is under way.

Speed is nothing new unfortunately. I mentioned speeding tractor trailers in previous column. I have seen many going over the speed limit on various highways, some even tailgating and changing lanes as if the vehicle was a sports car rather than a heavy truck.

That some crash occasionally and disaster ensues is sad but predictable. Then again, poor driving is not reserved to trucks alone.

Getting behind the wheel is a huge responsibility and anything that increases the risk of an accident has to become the subject of discussion among all of us who drive, because of what is at stake. We have to do more before the worst happens.

A closer to home example: Tuesday evening around 6pm found me about to step out on the crosswalk at the intersection of Lansdowne and 4th. The pedestrian sign shone bright so I checked for cars and then I started to cross. The first car turning left (incorrectly so into the far right lane of the one way street) that almost ran me over seemed about to slow down and allow me to cross but then it didn’t. It came really close, hence the ‘almost’ part. I am no slow walker, so it made me wonder about people who walk slower by default such as the elderly or parents with young children.

I darted forward to avoid the car but found myself in front of a second car turning left (at least turning into the correct lane) that … well, almost hit me. A bit of a bad joke if you ask me. Between the first driver turning incorrectly into the more distant lane and the second turning into the correct one, there was barely any room to run for my life. If you’re wondering about the required eye contact with the driver, the answer is yes for the first car. Not that it helped much.

Sobering indeed. I had a similar experience in broad daylight at Lansdowne and 6th two years ago. Sadly, I am hardly alone. Just this month two teenagers were hit while on a crossing on Westsyde Road, and if you check local news archives, many pedestrians had close encounters especially on Lansdowne and many ended up being struck.

Whatever the cause of poor driving is, consequences can be and often are horrifying, which is why the discussion cannot be postponed. Whether speed, distracted driving due to cell phones, or impaired driving due to tiredness, drug or alcohol consumption, accidents keep happening and we have to find a way to prevent them.

How do we address this? As pedestrians we need to educate ourselves and our children about safe crossing. That will lower the risk but it does not eliminate it completely.

What about when we are behind the wheel? Reading through many documents discussing the issue of road safety, suggestions range from education of drivers through all means necessary, to enforcing speed limits on the highways and within city limits, to having adequate consequences for those found guilty rather a mere slap on the wrist. Consequences could include revoking a person’s right to drive temporarily or permanently, depending on the degree of harm caused.

Statistics alone (see below), though not as updated as they should be, can add numbers to facts.

  • From 2004 to 2008, 13 percent of fatalities in Canada have been pedestrians and out of all of them, 33 percent were struck by a driver who had committed a traffic infraction prior to the crash.
  • According to Transport Canada, over 20 percent of fatalities that occurred from 2001 to 2005 involved heavy commercial trucks.

Bottom line: no one gets on the road with the intention of causing an accident that could injure or kill people, or cause irreparable damage, so reminders about what our responsibilities as drivers are should be all over the place. Safe driving makes for a safe world. We all want that.

What do you think would make for safer driving in Kamloops?

March Eight. Of Robins, Boys and Blades of Grass

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On March 9, 2016

In Life Stories, Motherhood, Self-improvement

StopIt’s only fitting that the robin comes flying by the side of the car as I drive slowly after dropping off little boy for Forest School. It is March 8, and growing up meant Mother’s Day. No bells and whistles, no marketing campaigns or Hallmark cards, just carefully hand drawn cards, mostly with snowdrops because I loved to draw them and they matched the small bouquet in my hand.

The connection between the robin and my Mom was made shortly after her sudden passing almost ten years ago and it will never change. You could say I have a comfort bird. Well, I needed one.

So, the robin. I stop the car and step outside. I sit by the side of the dirt road close to the tree where the robin is. I listen a while, catch a burst of song that gets mixed in with the symphony pouring down from all the trees and realize that it’s the swiftness of it before it mixes with the others that makes it more precious and it’s all the sounds engulfing it that make it complete.

It’s March 8 and sunny.

Some years ago someone abruptly asked why I am attached to a relic of the communist regime. Ah, nothing like the political smears spreading over a day that politics should stay out of. The answer is in the renewal celebration surrounding me.

greenWhere I sit by the side of the road there’s fresh bold new blades of grass, so green they look surreal, each carrying gifts of morning dew. That’s what the day is about to me. Life.

Earlier in the car little boy made my heart dance and my eyes tear up. ‘Mom, you know mushrooms look fragile but they are not. They can break through concrete if they have to. Plants too…’ It is so, isn’t it?

You’re only as fragile as you believe yourself to be. If you let your instincts guide you, then you can break through barriers that you never thought you could break through.

And it’s not about whether you are fragile or not. We all are in some ways. Yet trading it completely for what’s perceived as strength alone is not an option either. True strength is tender-hearted and comes from packing both strength and fragility for the road ahead. That’s how you grow to see the human, not the deeds, celebrate their presence in your life and learn about courage.

That’s how you learn about worthiness. When you can see past the obvious, past of what is easy to see. You learn to appreciate those moments of solitude when you look in the mirror asking ‘where to from here?’ only to realize that by asking the question you have stood your ground and you did not hide the fragile bits. Yes, it takes courage to ask. And it takes courage to follow the road that comes without directions except for one: Trust yourself.

That’s why I celebrate motherhood today.

Today is when I think of the journey so far. The sea of memories lapping at the window of my motherhood hut, where inadequacies and victories lay together, amassed during a time that happens too fast.

Today I sit here by the side of the road and allow no hurry. I think of the boys, their boisterous presence at times and then again, their revealing of softer sides so often when they whisper their own inadequacies, their discoveries of things that tug at their hearts, the questions that often come with tears. Together we learn to see that we’re the same, bound by love. Sometimes, stepping on each other’s toes reveals that no dance is perfect and pain spares no one. clenching your teeth in resentment is the wrong path. Smile through tears. Be grateful.

It creates mindfulness.

Motherhood invites to that. I said yes a long time ago when my boys were born, and then more so after my Mom left. Waking up with less became determination to see more.

That’s why celebrating the day quietly by the side of the road makes all the sense. It’s not about giving the day a name because it’s not the day itself but the people who make it worthwhile. Hence the futility of pulling the politics curtain over it and burying it in righteousness.

all of itToday is not about politics but about finding the space and time to see. Today is about saying ‘Thank you’ to my Mom, remembering what vulnerability and strength look like, put them back in my satchel as I carry on with the journey and telling my boys:

‘Yes, I’m showing up every day for the most difficult job in the world.

Yes, there is always room for better but that’s why tomorrow was invented and that’s why we have hugs.

Yes, I go to the bottom many times and each time I push myself to the surface again, I take another deep breath and say ‘again!’ as if I am having the ride of my life. Because I am, and every moment of it is worthy it.

Because you are.’

The Land, The People and The Economy

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On March 4, 2016

In Armchair Mayor Column, Environment, Kamloops, Learning, Self-improvement, Social issues

Originally published as a column on NewsKamloops on Friday March 4, 2016. 

On Tuesday night I was part of a group of people who gathered at TRU to watch the documentary ‘Fractured Land’ featuring Caleb Behn, an indigenous young man who is both a lawyer and an activist. His Goliath is the fracking industry in the BC Northeast and the possible development – unless something happens to halt the project – of the site C dam, which will add more insult to the injury already hurting the area.

It was hard not to shift in your seat as the show drew to an end and left everyone wondering what the best way to do things is after all. People have a love-hate relationship with fossil fuels, more so in the areas where the consequences of taking them out of the ground is seen in declining health, an increased rate of birth defects and also in the way their immediate natural world is affected.

Is leaving everything in the ground the solution? That’s naiveté at its best. Not because it is a bad idea but because we are still dependent on fossil fuels and the industry will not hang its hat any time soon. A smooth enough transition to renewable energy sounds commendable but… our leaders are still talking pipelines, fracking wells are still being drilled and an environmental black-eye like site C dam project is still to become reality.

The recent Paris meeting COP21 had many nations, especially island dwellers who are literally in harm’s way, trace the lines in the sand in regards to what temperature increase their now fragile worlds can tolerate before tipping point(s) becomes evident. That is, in less palatable terms, the point of no return.

But once the colourful sparkles of fireworks died off and the champagne glasses were put away, the New Year came with some uncomfortable surprises. It’s getting hot, scientists warn, and it’s getting shifty, weather pattern-wise, as is the case on the East coast. At the time of this writing on Thursday, March 3, the latest measurements showed that the average temperatures across the Northern Hemisphere have pushed through the 2 degrees Celsius above the usual (normal) values.

You know it’s getting hot when the Iditarod organizers have to haul in snow to make up for the missing white matter. That’s snow proofing and it cannot do more than be a Band-Aid solution.

That uncomfortable shifting in one’s seat again. But all is not lost. If it’s hot in one spot only many will carry on with their lives as if nothing is happening. If it’s hot in most places, people start to notice and action follows. There’s hope.

Luckily the dreary news coincides with the wrapping up of the Globe 2016 Leadership Summit in Vancouver. The conclusions included plans to phase out coal, reduce the methane emissions generated by the oil and gas industry and a province-specific carbon pricing scheme.

It sounds optimistic though the pipelines stay for now, which is not optimistic. Nor is the existent dialogue between the present government and oil companies regarding Arctic drilling, but if enough eyes are on it, perhaps public consultations will become a must and thus we will have a chance to speak up.

We are but a country among many contributing to the rise in greenhouse gases and though our contribution is low compared to other countries such as the US and China, the undeniable reality of intersecting economies should understandably push our present leadership towards finding solutions to reflect the present environmental challenges (yes, trade partnerships signed by the previous and present government can get in the way).

But there is a bright side too. Climate change has become a topic, a hot one and not just in environmental circles. Dialogue brings hope and it brings solutions.

Protecting the environment does not have to be the deadly enemy of economic growth, our PM Justin Trudeau said not long ago. The green energy sector can create jobs while honouring the commitment towards our beautiful blue dot, and it can assist, at a large scale, our transition to renewable energy sources that will see us on a more hopeful trajectory as a planet.

One thing is clear though. Economic growth can easily transition into being powered by greed rather than morals pertaining to the benefit of us all, and when it does, ill effects become ignored or concealed. Here’s to hoping that we have learned enough from the past and present in order to make the future a better one where greed need not apply, not if survival is intended.

As for doing something at an individual level, I have been told repeatedly, that will not help much. True, but it will save us from occasional despair and it will lead to a shift in how we think at community level, which counts.

The Day And All The Learning In It

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On March 2, 2016

In Homeschooling, Kamloops, Learning, Life Stories, Motherhood, Self-improvement

20160301_110631On Tuesdays we take it to the hills. It is Forest School day for the little guy, and most days find us on one of the hills around Kamloops. Yesterday we were Kenna Cartwright. Snow was coming down hard in big clumps.

The rubber boots I was wearing (and I usually never wear outside rainy days) didn’t help much in reminding me to appreciate the moment, as my toes went from cold to very cold to painfully cold soon after we started on the trail. Having the privilege to be seeing beauty on an ordinary morning, yet being stopped short by cold feet. The irony! And yes, tunnel vision, behaviour if you will – we all experience it at times and it rarely makes us proud.

The thing is, if you stick with it and its aftertaste long enough, it brings enough humbleness to be able to say, if willing, that going down the narrow road of rejecting the magic of the big picture for the short-lived moment of expressing bitterness, is simply a price too high to pay. You’d have to pay it a couple of times in order to learn though. Moments of grace? Hardly.

So there was mine, yesterday. Missing. Trailing through snowy forests, surrounded by children, red-cheeked and snow-sprinkled all over, all of them walking with small steps careful to not lose balance, slipping anyway and falling at times, picking up handfuls of snow to taste and being so immersed in the fresh white… I was there to see it all but grumbling inside for reasons too small to matter, too hard to let go of though in the moment, missing so much of it.

Frozen toes and work-related urgency sliced up the time in the woods even more. Stripes of joy were painted over by the thick paint of mental mumbling and grumbling, panic too that I will not be able to do what I had to do. Didn’t I say there was nothing gracious about it? It’s the truth. Second thoughts and hindsight regarding work were all too ready to pluck off everything that was worth keeping.

The moment I was in and I could not see, the wealth that comes with the understanding that every moment is as rich as you allow it to be, which I was forgetting.

The forest was beautiful, the kids were present with jolliness, tears too, they were telling stories and jokes and eating some more snow still after the game of hide-and-seek was done with and we were heading back. The forest I was in was actually hard to see for the trees of worry and immediate discomfort.

Mindfulness is never to be taken for granted. When I do, it’s like it was yesterday. Few things are so dramatic and urgent that they should be allowed to be more than they are – dark clouds on the sky, but not the sky itself. In fact, worry and panic never solve anything anyway.

There’s nothing to gain and everything to win from making the time you’re in worthwhile. Cliché it is, but true. It took me a drive home, laughter in the car as both me and little guy dripped melted snow all over, and a few extra bumps throughout the day to long for the time I should’ve seen the forest and I didn’t.

20160301_122920The moral of the story is…? Graciousness is not my strongest attribute. Nor is remembering to be mindful of the flitting moments of magic. There is hope though. Coming around to the place of seeing it as it should’ve been… Being human, aches and pains and grumbling included, is inescapable. Remembering that we are, as humans, privy to magic, is too easy to forget at times… that is though, what makes it all that much more precious.

Tuesday was learning day indeed. That it is not about being graceful after all, but truthful and willing… The journey continues.

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