Author: Daniela Ginta Page 97 of 99

Here is a dilemma. Which ones do you do first: The things you want to – you know, those projects that set your thoughts on fire and you feel all restless until you churn through them one by one – or the things you have to, chores, to be more precise.

If it’s by choice, then I definitely do the ones I want to, unless the stuff I have to cannot possibly wait. It’ll have to be a starving child with no food in sight or a burning house. Why so, you might ask? Because one too many times I planned to write down my ideas after finishing my chores. Well, by the time the last plate was washed and dried and the last speck of dust – yes, I am exaggerating, but still – was gone and done with, my energy was low and the momentum long lost. So my promised time with my burning thoughts was gone. The energy wave was no longer there for me to ride. So what, you’ll say, creative waves come back. They do, but it’s just not the same.

Has that ever happened to you? If it did, you understand my frustration. And my dilemma. I love playing with my boys – and no, this is definitely not a chore, unless playing involves yet another round of me impersonating Han Solo, which I am not exactly brilliant at – and then I like doing stuff around the house, cooking yummy vegetarian food, for example, but there is something that only happens every now and then and it has to be honoured when it happens. Or else. That something is a creativity wave taking me to wild places. And if you’ve been there, you know what I mean. That is one wave I have to ride on.

So unless we’re talking about a life and death situation, which I hope will never be the case to be honest, I will do my best to do the things I want to before the ones I have to. Life is too short and time too precious to be spent mostly in the "have to" zone. A grey zone, If you ask me. I like color, and lots of it!

Whether you agree or disagree, please share your thoughts. Off to hunt those specks of dust now…
 

We are showering our children with praises for every little thing they do since they first enter the world. Is that a good thing? I am starting to think that excessive praising can actually go against what we are trying to help them achieve. What is that, you’re asking? Resilience, for example. And the desire to be challenged. And the desire to become even better at what they’re doing.
By praising them at every step, aren’t we encouraging them to settle for mediocrity? Won’t they settle for “good enough” just because we tell them “that’s great” to whatever they do? I am not saying we should not give them proper encouragement. We all need that, and encouragement at the right time is great and necessary. I simply believe that excessive praising undermines people’s ability to monitor their own progress objectively and fulfill their dreams. And by doing that to our children we are getting them used to that somewhat misleading and yet addictive feeling of instant gratification which we as a society have too much of nowadays anyway.

So let’s praise less, communicate more – with our children, our loved ones and with our own selves too. What are your thoughts?
 

And I did! Today I took part in my first duathlon race. Almost two months ago my duathlon friend mentioned the race in a conversation – thank you Susan! It started with “You should do this, you’ll love it” and next thing I did was playing that idea in my head for a few days. I almost signed up. I started running every day but then stress kicked in a little too hard and felt too overwhelmed to run. I thought of giving up. Not enough time to train anyway, I tried to tell myself. My duathlon friend did not settle for my ambiguity and pushed me a little harder. I signed up the same evening and I started training more. Until today when I woke up all excited and nervous. And had the rush of my lifetime as I started the race. Sure it got exhausting here and there. Riding my bike uphill with the wind blowing in my face was tiring but also exhilarating. I was doing the very thing that I was quite apprehensive about. The very thing that I so wanted to do. The little engine’s “I think I can” catch phrase went round and round in my head like a carousel when the going got tough. And I made it to the finish line with my heart dancing. That moment was magic. I saw myself passing the finish line, I saw my family cheering for me and a big thought was floating around in my head like a drunken bird “I thought I could…”. It still does.

Following this duathlon participation my friend Darryl invited me to write a guest post in his biking blog lovingthebike. Whether you are a biking afficionado or not, check out Darryl’s blog – his passion and enthusiasm are inspiring.

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way…”
Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities

Sometimes what seems to be the best situation might in fact be a less auspicious one. It pays off to learn to read, trust and follow that gut instinct. It may feel good but if deep down it ain’t feeling right, rethink your strategy. Simply said, stop, turn around and take another path. Steep learning curve, but all worth it.   

Sometimes life throws a ball, and a hard one at that. Kicking, screaming and pouting are my immediate reactions but very often there is a thought at the back of my mind urging me to breathe and wait. There is always a silver lining, I am reminded by my faithful brain. And that means hope. Hope means planning and planning means action. So there. Some roads are winding ones, and shortcuts may be tempting but not always the best alternative. You may end up where you don’t want to be so think twice before you choose.

Sometimes I want people to think in sync, to give me all the support I need when I need it. And they don’t. They might be busy with their own lives, they might not see the importance of my goals at that particular moment or they simply don’t care enough then or any other time. Cry, scream and shout? It won’t get me anywhere – and yet I still do that occasionally. What will, you ask? My own belief in what I am doing. Until proven wrong, until my tower of hopes and thoughts collapses – not because I don’t believe in it anymore but because my goal is not a doable one – until then, I owe it to myself to keep going. To believe. Now that’s a big word. Opening up to a beautiful world. Dare to believe.

Sometimes I despair. I do. And it hurts. I feel like giving up. A two-headed monster, really. Giving up may present itself like the easiest solution but may in fact become the shakiest ground I’ll ever walk on. That’s when I try to remember that there are two sides to everything and giving up is but one of them. There is a good one there too. Good times are just around the corner. 
 

OK, I cannot be the only one who has a really bad day here and there. You know what I’m talking about, a day when the ships seem to be sinking one by one and the ones that are not sinking on their own you sail them into shallow muddy waters and …well, you’re stuck. That’s me today. Hmmm… keeping the positive attitude up and running looks like a fool’s errand. My glass is half full, I keep telling g myself when I know deep down in my heart that I am running on empty. Should I lie to myself and play pretend until the storm passes or…?

What do you do when you are having one of those days?

Here is what I humored myself with today while trying to drag my ships from the shallow waters I was stuck in. First of all, about my positive attitude which was missing completely – sure I kept giving myself some good old pep talks but my cup was still empty. Why ? A rather enlightening “a-ha” moment led me to a comforting answer: It had a hole in it. So there. Sometimes we make the holes, sometimes we acquire them along the way. The point is, once I knew it was there I worked at fixing it. And I did. Once I was done, I did a refill – writing and going for a long bike ride – and my positive attitude is back.

Today’s lesson #1: Do not expect anyone to fix your problems. They might not have the right tools and they cannot see what you see. Do it yourself but accept encouragement from those who care. It’ll work out. Before you know it, you’ll be out sailing with some strong wind in your sails.

Today lesson #2: Falling is a painful experience, hence tears are expected, but you won’t stay down forever. Not everything will be fixed in one day but it will be eventually. And you’ll discover more about yourself in the process and reconnect with yourself too. Being/feeling temporarily vulnerable brings you one step closer to becoming stronger.

So I fell, I cried, but now I’m up again and moving on. Isn’t that what we tell our children to do too?
 

How much of ourselves are we supposed to leave behind? How much of what’s left behind by others are we going to carry with us? It’s an energy exchange, if you want, and it is real. I don’t know how much we give and get, and I don’t believe quantifying would serve a purpose here. The energy exchange is what carries us forward. It feeds our need to grow. We attach to people and the places we associate with them. We build memories that will draw us like magic strings towards the people and places we left behind. The memories will become part of us. We become what we are because of all of these encounters.

People, some we stumble upon, some we are drawn towards and some are drawn to us. And the energy exchange transforms our lives. It makes us grow. Some make us struggle in order to grow, others invite us to dance and the growing up happens without any pain. Are these experiences, whether pleasurable or painful, equally enriching? I say yes, they are. Our perception may be different, we may resent the pain but in the end what matters is that we grow as we go. We learn. We learn to be grateful, we learn to smile and forgive. We learn to take the gifts others have for us, and we offer them gifts too. We learn to let go and move on. Each encounter, whether through laughs or tears, shapes us into what we are.

Life is connecting to people and places, past and present. Life is about learning to say “hello” and “good-bye” and learning to enjoy everything that happens in between. Life is a journey of growing up and helping others grow too. Life is beautiful.

I was at the beach today. There were some magnificent clouds, and no, I am not using the adjective lightly here. I did not have my camera with me. So I “photographed” them and saved them in my memory. Pity, I know. I thought about how I won’t see the same clouds again. Similar yes, but not identical. But then having my camera would have made me miss the opportunity to think and write about …well, missed opportunities.

The question is: How do you think about missed opportunities? No, not clouds to photograph, but nail-biting opportunities that happen occasionally. Often or rarely is not the point here. And I am not talking about a once in a lifetime opportunity either, because that alone would be the topic for another blog post.
Just missed opportunities. Do you linger and cry over what could have been? Or find the strength to move on and maybe tell yourself that it was not to be? Do you hope to learn from it? Learning about an opportunity in particular might not seem a wise thing to do after all. There is a very high chance that the next one will be different.

So what are you supposed to learn then? Here is my take on it: I learn about myself. I learn about my beliefs, I learn about what I am ready to sacrifice to achieve what I want to achieve. I use the actual opportunity, whether I missed it or not, as a tool to know about what can take me to the next level in terms of personal growth and whether the steps are worth taking. So yes, I choose to think of a missed opportunity as a chance to grow and learn about myself. In a particular situation and beyond. What do you think?