Author: Daniela Ginta Page 96 of 99

OK, so the truck didn’t hit me last week. According to my last post. Yet I disappeared from here. No mystery, really. Here it is, the naked truth: Bad time management. So no excuse.

I am learning constantly. My last week was crazy and stressful and I did end it up somewhat successfully but with one professional blunder that left a rather bitter taste in my mouth. Delivering less than what was expected of me, even though I eventually fixed my mistake, was just not I was ready to accept from myself.  I did pat myself on the back with an unconvincing “All is well when it ends well…”, but… Like I said, unconvincing. Sure I wanted to call the people I had worked with and explain to them that I was by myself  with my two boys as my husband was away for a while on business, that I had a lot more work to do that week than ever before, that I almost got hit by a truck and so on. Well, I didn’t. No point in doing that.  Excuses are lame. They are. That’s one of the things I learned. Here‘s the rest of them.

•    I cannot and should not expect to be able to plan for everything that happens to me. Things will happen and I have to either be prepared or become prepared as they happen. Just two choices.

•    I have to deliver impeccable work no matter what.

•    No excuses. Sure my life may seem stressful to some, yet to others may not seem that stressful. What gives? Simply put, excuses are futile. People I am engaged with professionally don’t want to hear them or if they do, chances are they won’t make them shed a tear. Bottom line: Work is work and it has to be done professionally.

•    When things spin out of control, sit back, take a deep breath and then prioritize. It’s the only way. Have you ever heard of “How do you eat an elephant? And the answer is: one bite at a time”. Precisely.

•    Life is still beautiful even though it gives us a punch occasionally. Sure it hurts a bit but it keeps us on the learning curve.
 

There is a lesson in everything although it may not be obvious from the beginning.
I am an optimist, I am. And I think positively, but sometimes things are just crooked and that’s that.

Today I saw a truck almost drive into my car while i was leaving an intersection and for a split second I thought I should get out of its way, but my body was frozen and I had a few strange thoughts dangling like old, hollow-sounding wind chimes. The one that stood out was “Am I going to die?”. The truck stopped, brakes screeching – they continue to do so in my head as I write this – and then I drove away, dazed and still clutching onto the steering wheel as if I was glued to it.  My body was now moving – driving – but my mind was frozen on the thoughts left over from a few moments ago and the ugly metal face of that truck coming too fast and too close to me. I choose to think of it as a truck, just a truck, and not a person driving it.

I put that image and the thoughts it dragged behind aside but they kept coming back. Again, and again and again throughout the day. Until the thoughts broke down the wall I put up between me and my fear. That overwheming fear that paralyzed first my body and then my mind, the fear that I kept pushing away the whole day.
I faced it with very little dignity, I suppose, and I do admit to that. I let it stomp its big heavy feet all over my thoughts and then I let it roar it in my head and when it was all done, I figured out it was about time I learn something from all of this.

First of all, that I am responsible not only for my own life but for the lives of my children, hence I should be planning accordingly for that. For any circumstance that is. It’s called planning and being prepared. a very grown-up thing to do otherwise.

Fear is a natural feeling, although fear like this can bring one to his/her knees. It did. I am getting up again though. I am stubborn that way. And yes, we can run but we can’t hide. At some point, sooner or later, we have to face it. Fear like this doesn’t just go away unless it is dealt with properly. It’s like having to cross to the other side by swimming in very cold water. Jump in and while the coldness will shock you, it might even stop your breathing for a few seconds, you’ll soon discover that your mind and body have the resources to deal with it.

I am lucky. Amidst thinking terrifying thoughts, feeling my tears running on the outside and inside too, and hearing myself say “I can’t, I won’t take another step”, something of a different nature emerged.  A little voice singing a tune, a voice that kept getting stronger as I was listening to it – “Somebody up there loves you”. It was enough for me to be able to see the silver lining. It made sense. It must be true. Otherwise I wouldn’t be writing this.

I am not the best teacher, yet I am not the worst. And I don’t consider myself just somewhere in between either. That would mean settling for mediocrity and teaching should be anything but. Life should be anything but, really. Another time for this topic perhaps. I am better at teaching than I was a week ago, and I know I have inspired people along the way too.

I learn when I teach  and I love it. But it is, by all means, challenging. If one puts his/her heart into it, that is. I am trying to not just teach notions and concepts, I am trying to inspire students to look beyond definitions, marks and evaluations and see where their learning fits into the big picture. Because that’s the starting point, in a sense. Seeing and being inspired by where you want to get. I teach life sciences, which I consider fascinating. I do not go entirely by memorizing or by asking students to memorize everything. I go by understanding how it all fits together and playing with what I know and with what I don’t know while trying to figure out answers to those nagging questions I have about the living world. And there are many questions, and many more keep popping up. Memorizing everything and classifying that information would take time away from understanding it.
Some students get scared when I paint the big picture for them. Describing the components of a cell  is trivial, I believe, anyone can pick up a textbook and do it. Understanding how they all work together to keep me and you and the rest of the world alive is where learning meets curiosity, and from there fascination just flows freely. That’s where the real learning begins. But the complexity of the big picture is too much, some students would say. Some will decline to come close if it’s not part of the testing material. That alone is a sad, bone-crushing sad reality. Learning should go beyond marks, and while we need some method of evaluating, that method should not overshadow the leaning process but encourage it somehow.

It is the simple steps that build that complexity, I tell my students, and we are all learners, playing with concepts, definitions and hopefully having the courage and desire to put them upside down and crookedly and spin them too in order to understand why they make the world go round the way they do.

I will not give up trying to inspire students to see beyond the boundaries of class notes, marks and standardized evaluations. And that will make my teaching both humbling and uplifting. And I will not be the best of teachers and I will not the worst, just like I won’t just be anywhere in between either. But I will for sure be better at it then I was two days ago. And even better at understanding the big picture and why the world goes round the way it does. 
 

Literally. We moved two days ago. And I know now that moving is one big opportunity to learn. About myself and the rest of the people around me. I consider myself a capable person, I do. Well, I can say now with confidence that I am not good at moving. At all. Nor do I intend to become a moving expert. It may have been the lack of organizational skills – I am after all a free spirit with a bit of a bohemian streak to it – or maybe it was my “It’ll work out eventually” attitude. Not sure. The thing is, moving – which is by everybody’s standards a stressful event – was very stressful. Living out of boxes temporarily is not fun, not knowing what’s in the unlabeled boxes – somehow some boxes made it out of the old house before I had a chance to label them – is madness. And having little kids asking for the little things that could be anywhere, including the unlabeled boxes, can lead to temporary insanity.

Here are the lessons I’ve learned, which means that should there be a next time, I will perhaps do things differently:
•    Plan for things – moving in this case – in advance and (correctly) appreciate the magnitude of the process you are planning for.
•    Accept offers of help from friends – I am blessed with amazing friends who offered their time and energy to help us move. It made a world of difference.
•    Find some good entertainment for the kids if you have young ones. As much as I liked the idea of having my boys joyfully pack their toys and actively participate in the moving, I now know better. I am a dreamer, what can I say. Which is nice, but not at all practical.
•    Tread gently for a couple of days before and after the actual moving. Everybody’s nerves are stretched at maximum. ‘Nuff said. 
•    Be happy to find some of the things you need not when you need them but at some point in time.
•    Be thankful for having a roof over your head – there are many people out there without one.

Off to unpack some more boxes now…
 

This is something I always wanted to do. Seriously. Skipping rocks always had a magic aura attached to it. To see the rocks dancing, jumping on top of the water was akin to watching a highly-skilled magic show. Don’t laugh. It is true. I held skippers in great regard. How do you make rocks do that? I know, physics 101. Aside from that, I mean. The hand movement. Visualizing the trajectory, choosing the perfect rock. I went over this again and again but I never got it right. Until yesterday that is. I watched my husband do it, he is a great skipper. So I picked up a rock, felt it in my hand, skimmed the water with my eyes and … believed I could do it. No, I did not just tell myself I could do it. For a few moments before throwing the rock, I felt I could do it. And the rock bearing my touch danced on top of the water, skipped three times and went in. My heart started skipping with a sense of pride that I just wish I could find the right words for. Small thing, you say? It might look like that if one chooses to see just the rock skipping – an empowering achievement nonetheless – and nothing else. If I could do this, I could do more. All it took was changing my belief. I needed to feel I could do it. So I will change my belief on other things I want to do. Pretty cool, I must say. If I can make rocks dance on the water, there are a myriad of other things I can make happen.

And you can too. Give it a try today. Come on, there must be something you always wanted to do but you were held back by that nagging “I can’t” thought. Believe you can do it, and visualize your trajectory. That includes careful planning and some risk assessment if you will, but nothing will change the belief that you can. And that is the solid foundation you’ll build on. Start building today. Take small steps if you wish. Like skipping rocks…
 

Social media. Are you still scared of it? Or are you immersed in it way over your head? Well, the way I see it there should be a middle way. I resisted the idea of making contact with the world this way – Twitter and Facebook  – for quite a while. I wasn’t ready to be out there exposing my thoughts. What if people didn’t like what I had to say, what if my comments will attract some odd comments, what if I simply won’t like it? I am now confident enough to say "So what? I’ll get over it and they’ll get over it. Life goes on either way".

 I signed up for Facebook mostly to escape nagging from friends to be honest. And then, I ‘bumped” into old friends. People who meant something to me and still do. And then made some new friends. People who now mean something to me. And my thoughts are there, part of my life is shared with my friends and, I have to say, I love it. I am not scared of it anymore. What I love about it? Getting support from many and being able to support my friends when they need it, keeping up with their projects, ideas and sharing mine too. Privacy settings are of course, a must. A social media playground can be a safe one if your settings are right.

And then along came the Twitter wagon. Somewhat later than it did for the rest of the world but hey, the important part is that I’m there. I jumped on and still riding in style. My first “tweet” was shy and unconvincing. But then I figured I just don’t need to convince anyone of anything. I’ll share thoughts, ideas, links to things that mean something to me and not for the purpose of impressing people but for communicating with people.
And here I am, a couple of months later, feeling grateful for having met some amazing people – I am not using amazing here lightly at all – during my social media incursions, loving the connection I have with them and looking forward to more great connecting with them and others.

But, and this is a big BUT: I do not carry my social media with me everywhere. When I want to spend time with my family I am just with them. When I want to share thoughts and ideas with my social media group I do so. I feel in control. I love the rush of being connected like I am, but I love that I can have the addiction-to-social-media beast still tamed. I intend to keep it that way.

Back to my question: It is real? And my answer is: Yes, it is. If I take away the fluff that is after all inherent to such social congregations, I see meaningful relationships forming, relationships that help me grow. I see people who inspire me just like I hope I inspire them. For now I don’t think it can get more real than that.
 

I couldn’t have found a better blog post than the one I wrote last night, on want to versus have to. Yes, I did sacrifice part of my sleep for it, but it was worth it. And what better proof than Sir Ken Robinson’s talk today. Watch it please, it will enrich your life. And change the way you look at education. Except that you’ll feel like you’re standing in the rain all of a sudden without an umbrella in sight. Refreshing, yes, but you’ll start looking for cover. My hope is that the more people I get to stand in the rain, the more will join me in my quest to looking for solutions for the conundrum below.

I have this nagging question regarding my boys’ education: Am I doing the right thing? Do I even know what I’m doing? And ultimately, the question is not just about my boys’ education but it applies to children in general. I don’t believe in fighting for a spot in that prestigious kindergarten or school everyone is raving about. That’s not where my nag is coming from. My question stems from the fact that I see my boys so preoccupied with things, I see them being so passionate about this and that, and sometimes – quite often, actually – they have to leave that aside because they have to attend school. By the time school is done with for the day, so is their preoccupation with whatever they were doing so passionately. Sometimes the passion stretches over many weeks but it fades away since there is just not enough energy left for both – have and want to do things, I mean. And this has happened repeatedly. And after a while they do not go back to some of those things they were so passionate about. And I cannot help but think that in time they will simply learn to do whatever they have to do instead of doing the stuff they want to do and feel passionate about. It feels wrong.

How can we encourage our children’s creativity and by that I do not necessarily mean pulling them out of school or searching for the perfect learning environment – is there such a thing anyway – but somehow make the two, creativity and education, intertwine. How can I make it happen is my nagging question. How can we make this happen? We, as a society, owe this to our children. Because we know more. And because by now we know the price of not taking creativity into consideration when educating children. Come to think of it, education and creativity should not be separated in the first place.  When did that happen? And why do we let it happen? 

What are your thoughts?