Author: Daniela Ginta Page 95 of 99

To describe yourself today. Choose it now. And see how you feel for the rest of the day. I chose “Blessed”. From 5pm when I came up with this until late at night when I am writing this post, I felt blessed. And it made me think. I chose the word even before I thought of all the possible reasons I feel grateful for. I did that later and that only amplified my feeling and reminded me why I chose the word in the first place. Well, you might say, maybe your life is just so amazing right now that no other word would do. It so happens that right now my life is far from perfect. And if I were to sit down with you out there reading this right now and explain to you why my life is not perfect, you would agree that it’s not – and who would want that anyway. But here is what comes next.

The word and this post are not about life, mine, or yours. They are about me. And you. The word that I ask of you is to describe not your life, not your day, but you today. And I have a feeling that words can have a much higher impact that we give them credit for. Grow into the word as you go through the day. Mold your thoughts to match the word you choose for today. Try it just once and see how it goes. And yes, it goes without saying that choosing a good uplifting word makes sense. You might not feel like it when you first think about it, but do try. It’s like smiling to yourself in the mirror when you’re having a not so great day. The smile comes out crooked at first but then it grows into a real one. And there will be more coming too.

So, have you thought of a word yet? Care to share your experience with it?
 

Yes, you can ask me the same question and I won’t feel offended. It takes two to tango, as they say. Here is a thought provoking question: If you were to choose from all of your friends – Facebook now offers us the chance to have hundreds of them, but are they real? – the ones you felt a real connection with, how many of your existing friends would you choose? If you answer "all of them", consider yourself lucky and perhaps you don’t need to read the rest of this.

Most of us have asked our kids since they were little to be nice and play with everybody whether they feel like it or not. Because that’s what being nice means, and because we want them to give everyone a fair treatment. Fair? hardly. When they are little we set up playdates for them and sometimes the playdate is not a good one. The kids fight and “act up”, almost asking to be taken home just to end the ordeal. And then it repeats. Usually with the same child. Nothing wrong with any of them, just not connecting properly. And there is nothing wrong with not connecting the same with all people. It’s a fact of life. No chemistry, as they say.

By the time we become adults, many of us might not know how to trust that gut feeling when it comes to relationships. Whether you call it intuition about a person, or the first impression, or that “chemistry” everybody is talking about, it’s all the same. The buzz. You either feel it or you don’t. if you don’t and keep going, then you’re lying to yourself and others. There is no way I am the only one who felt “I shouldn’t” or “I don’t have much to talk about” when meeting someone I feel no connection with, no buzz. And every time I felt that, ignored it and went ahead with the relationship, I ended up disappointed, drained and far from that good feeling that follows a healthy energy exchange that happens when I have a real connection with a person. So what to do? Life is too short and it’s a shame to spend precious time on meaningless conversations or  relationships that don’t mean much to us or the other people involved in it and are kept alive just because. Of course we cannot handpick all people we will form relationships with. Jobs and marriages will bring along people we have to learn to get along with, whether we feel like it or not. Those will help us build get-along skills, and that’s fine, we need to know how to do that too. But aside from those, wouldn’t it be fair to us and others too, to be real, true to our feelings, and form friendships only when we feel there is a real connection?

Will our children have a better chance to form meaningful relationships if we let them trust that intuition since they are young, that gut feeling about people? I’d say yes. When we allow them to speak their mind and express their feelings about people, old and young, we help them accept and honour those gut feelings. And by doing that, honour themselves and others. I am tempted to say that if we let our children grow comfortable with their intuitive feelings about people they will maybe have a better chance to choose the right people, friends and a life partner too.

Meaningful relationships are few and far between. We have to respect their nature.  For those of us who are parents, I believe we have the responsibility to encourage our children to trust their feelings. And yes, mistakes will be made, wrong relationships will be formed and disolved, and through all of that learning will happen. But, rightheouness aside, it is plain sad to watch grown people go through the pain of knowing they made the wrong relationship choice because they did not have the courage to listen to that inside voice that whispered the truth.

What do you think?
 

How many times in your life have you had a very strong feeling that you have to let go of something yet you did not do it because “what if”? Or because you did not quite know how? Or you were simply not there yet? Whether it is people, ideas, projects, places, businesses, we get attached – it’s different degrees of attachment, of course, but the idea is the same – there is something there that still holds part of you and prevents you from moving on. Attachment is an organic need we humans have, and we need it to nurture our spirit. Attachment, whether permanent or temporary, is a need that has to be honoured.

It’s not easy to let go, some of us may have an easier time than others. Yet the interesting part is that many times being all logical about why you should call it quits does not work. So it comes down to trusting your gut about it. That’s right. When you’re done going over the pros and cons yet again and feeling stuck yet again, maybe it’s time to really evaluate your good old gut feeling. Yes, the one that gives you a nudge every now and then and you choose to ignore it thinking it looks too easy. The best part is that once you get in the habit of trusting your gut you’ll grow confidence. Sure you’ll still make the wrong decisions occasionally – being wrong is also part of learning – but chances are there will be no sinking feelings of regret.

Honouring what your gut is telling you to do – you’ll learn to identify the feeling as you go, as no other way will seem the right way – will take you places. And you’ll grow into that new you. Simply put, there is a left side and a right side to your brain. Make good use of both. Going through the facts logically is a good start and will help you build a foundation for your actions, but following your gut feeling will complete the process in the best possible way. The right way.

Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments.
 

I love summer.

Sunny mornings, reading in bed until I was getting really hungry, then going outside to pick fresh strawberries, peaches and raspberries, chatting with friends, reading some more, biking to a nearby lake for swims, reading and writing until it was late and so beautifully quiet. A sample of how my summers used to be when I was younger. I was free. Free to do what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it – chores excluded, since helping around the house was also part of the summer routine, but somehow it fit in nicely. No summer camps unless I felt like it. I missed those summers so much I decided to bring them back.

How? Well, for starters, I decided to let my boys go camp-free this summer – they wholeheartedly agree – except for a couple of days of Boy Scouts’ camp which sounded too good to resist. So there is no rush in the morning, no arguing about wanting to go somewhere but having to go somewhere else. We go places if we so desire and best of all, we pick the places we want to go to. Like Fraser river banks today, for example. We explored the banks, the boys played for hours enjoying a different kind of beach than the ocean beach, I got to read and write some. Perfection. And that does not even describe it. The summer days I missed are back. And they are better since I can share the joy with my boys. And you may be asking if every day will be packed with wow day trips and activities. Far from it. Free summer recipe calls for a bit of laziness too. Lazy days when we choose to do almost nothing.

Is this unstructured summer thing going to get my boys used to choosing rather than accepting what’s on schedule? It might, but I do not consider that a bad thing at all. Giving them a taste of freedom, that is. The free summer is, in my opinion, one amazing not-to-be-missed experience. Letting go of ‘have to” leaves a lot of room for doing what one is passionate about. And includes lots of reading, creating magic potions and learning about science, finding bugs and various interesting things that spark great conversations, drawing and painting. After a long day outside doing what they feel like it and inventing games – no concerns about creativity being hindered in any way – my boys read a lot not because they have to but because it feels good to end the day reading. And then there is something else – magic would be the right word to define it. After a few days inventing games and playing until they run out of energy – slight exaggeration – the bonding between my boys needs no work from me. It just happens. I take it that’s also part of doing the things they love when they feel like it. Such as hanging out long enough to learn likes and dislikes, to build that special bond all parenting books are trying hard to describe.  simply put, they are enjoying each other’s company. and their playing together creates those precious reading and writing pockets for me. And while my life still includes writing assignments and deadlines and there is no way I can take a whole summer off, I will still enjoy a few great days of freedom with my boys.

Yes, free summer days are definitely the way to go. Try it for a few days and say it isn’t so…I dare you!
 

Are you a parent? Or a teacher? You might answer no to both and that’s quite alright. But for sure you were a kid once. And no matter how long ago that was, you most likely agree that each child has his or her special talent and ideally they should be encouraged to pursue that special talent and become really good at it while also feeling increasingly empowered in the process and self-confident about achieving even more along the way?

Sounds nice, doesn’t it? just the right words crafted into a nice scenario. Yet are we actually doing that? Sure the school system is opening up to new ideas and concepts, and there are countless parenting books telling us how and what to do to help our kids. Have you experienced that as a child? My parents were very encouraging of my passions since I was a child, yet somehow I could not fit them into the mold presented to me by the school system – left them at the door when I entered school I guess – and then I simply put them aside for a while because I pursued other things along the way. Came back to them years later.

Schools are opening up to the world, yet I think there is still a long way to go until we can send our kids to school and not skip a beat when thinking about their education. Is the school going to provide them with what they need to grow into accomplished, self-confident adults who will make the world a better place simply because they love what they do, they are good at it and that makes them happy people? Hard to say. I don’t like generalizing so I will tread carefully here. There are some great schools out there and there are so many amazing teachers too. Yet the reality is that we should not leave it up to them. Recognizing our children’s special talents early on – and by this I do not mean looking for a prodigy or pushing your child to become one just because he played with your aunt’s piano at a family get-together. I am talking about spending time with your child, knowing your child, knowing what interests him and what he is good at, and help him pursue that and get better at it. Helping children flourish should come as naturally as feeding them and putting them to bed. It should not be luxury treatment but everyday occurrence.

Ideally, the same should happen in schools. Being a teacher is not an easy job, and like I said, there are many amazing teachers out there. As parents we should help them by offering our help, by being our children’s advocates and by supporting the teachers who are going above and beyond trying to support our children’s dreams and passions. It’s everybody’s job to make the world a better place. And what an honourable job that is.
I was shown a brilliant video today during a teacher training program. Take a look and marvel.

Are you a bee? There is still time to become one…
 

Are you? Amidst all craziness and with all the ups and downs I’m experiencing these days I can say with all my heart that I do. I love the sun waking me up in the morning, I love to see my boys’ faces all ready to start the day and hearing their chitchat two seconds after opening their eyes and then I love waiting for the day to unfold. Everything comes rolling in bringing little things on my doorstep one after another. And I do believe that it’s the little things that make up life. Some are bad and some are good. Some simply are. The little things that we overlook while waiting for the big THING that will brighten our day. Not to say that there aren’t big things that take us three miles up into the stratosphere occasionally but should we wait for them could mean that life is passing us by. Just like that. With all its little miracles. And there are plenty. Look around.

Albert Einstein said “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is”. The day was not as you envision it? Fret not as there is another one just around the corner. Don’t hold back this time. The things that come rolling into your life, whether they bring joy or grief of one kind or another should be properly greeted. And even marveled at. Whether good all bad, they will all pass. And they’ll all have taught you something by the times they did. What’s left behind is you, as every little thing that you experience adds to who you are and become. A wiser you.

And no, there is no sign “Tread gently” anywhere. That’s also part of discovering life and learning its intricate ways. And quite frankly, what better way to learn to tread gently than walking over some hot coals…what’s the miracle in that one? Simply getting to the other side and having lived to tell the story.
 

Have you heard of it? It is one brilliant concept. Having been the victim of a violent verbal attack recently, I am definitely determined to learn more about nonviolent communication. This time I was at the receiving end and it felt as bad as it sounds. Frightening and hurtful, two words I wish I never have to use again to describe an interaction with another human being. After wiping big tears and getting some big hugs from my friends, I once again pushed my chin up and decided to use this as yet another learning opportunity.

How do you communicate with people around you? What do you do when you are mad and terribly upset as we all are sometimes? Do you lash out at people without warning, or do you let them know that you need your space? And if you have to solve the conflict right then and there, how do you go at it?

Stating what you want and stating it in a non accusatory way, talking about feelings without blaming someone, observing rather than evaluating are but a few principles nonviolent communication is built upon. Say what you need to say but say it so that the other person does not feel attacked or judged or abused in any way. It may seem easy but it’s not. Yet doing it is the first step towards building connections with people. Conflicts are helpful, and when they are not abusive they can enhance people’s lives as well as their relationships.

 If you are ready to add some wisdom to your life, pick up a copy of “Nonviolent Communication – A Language of Life” by Marshall Rosenberg. The brilliant simplicity of the concepts will amaze you and change the way you feel about conflicts. You’ll be that much happier.