Daniela Ginta, Freelance Writer

Gratitude makes the journey better and so does kindness

Month: July 2013 Page 1 of 2

Of Trains and Such

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On July 31, 2013

In Life Stories

Train station, cloudy“Can we walk to the train station today?”

Yes, we can. We did. The boys are fascinated with the trains here. The station is empty, barely a handful of people walking by and a stray dog begging silently for food. We feed him some savory bun and then go check for the next train to arrive. The boys want a shot of it as it comes in.

A few minutes later a train arrives. Green with two cars. The boys take photos but…

“Will there be more?” A blue one perhaps, the boys ask. Not for another two hours, the schedule says. We walk to the end of the platform, talk about trains and how fascinating they are. Romania used to have a lot more but now there’s more cars on the road and more bus services between cities.

“Too bad,” the boys sigh.

Indeed. Trains are charming. I don’t mean the fast trains with all the modern fixtures but the older, simple and slower ones that take you places, actual destinations and memory-locked too… The infrastructure is all there too, but it gets old and derelict as time passes. Too bad…

On the way home we buy ice cream.

We take a shortcut through an old cemetery and the boys keep reading the tombstones. One man got to be 103 years, a girl died when she was 17 days old. How could that be? The little girl, they say, she must’ve been very small. And her parents must’ve been very sad. Life is not always kind. We have today…

I remember walking through the neighboring cemetery as a kid and reading tombstones, wondering about the people, feeling sorry for the young ones and always wondering whether the older people who died got to go through the Second World War.

We get to the top of the hill, overwhelmed by heat and happy to be home soon. We cross the field on the way to my sister’s house and wildflowers line the side of the dirt path. The grass is almost all straw, heat really can be merciless, and somewhere in a nest of long tired straws I notice a poppy.

PoppyGently unglamorous, small and shy, the poppy turns beautiful in the photograph I take. I am grateful for it, it is one of those shots that tickles you pink, it’s that good.

My fascination with these ephemeral flowers that are ever so unassuming and yet stunning, is satisfied for now.

The boys run ahead and as I get to the gate, Sasha greets me with a mysterious smile spread all over his face. “Look mom, an orange butterfly! For you.” No longer alive, the butterfly will find its way into a painting soon, along with wildflowers that I press for that reason. A drop of sweetness from the summer we spend here…

Thank you. Orange is perfect.

Innocence Lost? There Is Still Time To Act…

By

On July 27, 2013

In Kamloops

(Originally published as a column in the Saturday edition of the Kamloops Daily News on July 27, 2013)

I read today that the UK has decided to block access to online pornography; unless people ask for it that is. Internet suppliers will install family-friendly filters and those who wants them off will have to ask for it, the UK Prime Minister David Cameron has decided.

Like a breath of fresh air, such radical decisions make sense. They are meant to protect children from exposure to something they don’t need to see, even more so, something that can alter their perceptions and create a new kind of addiction that is still new to us and, according to recent studies, not easy to get rid of.

Parents used to find magazines like Hustler and Playboy hidden in their teenagers’ drawers or tucked carefully under the mattress. It was one of those “Oh” moments, followed by a talk, a shrug or complete silence, depending on the level of openness. Life went on often with no serious damage. That was then.

Things are different nowadays. There is a world behind the screens that our children have access to, a world we cannot fully comprehend the size of, let alone set boundaries and control the information flux that increases every day and slowly eludes any kind of parental control.

Nowadays we put our trust in cyber nannies; they are supposed to be the impenetrable wall that protects our children from internet nudity and pornography. Right. Unless the kid goes to someone else’s house where the computers might or might not have cyber nannies, or, if the kids equipped with a gadget are able to pick up a wifi signal and… well, you get the idea.

To add insult to the injury, all questionable internet content used to be accessible only to 18-plus. Somewhat protected, you could say. That was then also. Nowadays, things are different in that department too. Typing the very words opens up a world that should not be easily available if at all…

Children are curious, that’s a fact. Come teenage years, curiosity crosses boundaries and we cannot prevent that, but we can guide our children on a better path. A safer one.

It is not prudishness that causes my outrage, but fear and sadness that our children are losing their innocence way too early. I don’t believe in hiding things that are the way they are or coming up with fake explanations; my boys know there is no question I will shy myself from answering.

We talk about everything and though I never thought I will one day have “the talk” with a straight face, well, I did. We did. And more will follow. They will always have the option of reading instead, but for now they prefer talking. Questions and honest answers deepen trust on both sides.

Wanting to play grownups, children see things should not. Way before learning what a loving respectful relationship is about, children have access to information that is erroneous and addictive in a way that has been compared to drug addiction.

What is a parent to do? Aside from bringing difficult topics to the table and setting a good example, trusting that our children will be able to resist temptation and peer pressure remains the sole mid-ocean bobbing barrel we can hold onto. But it may not be enough.

We cannot ask teenagers to be responsible for guarding themselves entirely. Temptation can get the best of them to lower the guard. It is high time we look for ways that can help protect young minds from unnecessary exposure that pushes them into unripen adulthood, stealing their innocence way too soon.

One can argue that such content is meant for adults and teenagers and children should not be privy to it. Therein lies the problem though: They are. Whether we want them or not, whether we are aware of it or not, children have access to online pornography and that’s that. The sooner we realize that, the sooner we can find a way to prevent it.

Also, let’s not forget or ignore, online pornography is often the result of sexual slavery, yet another black eye on the face of our world. Our acting on one end might bring enough awareness and courage for people on other ends to act towards stopping and preventing it, from victims to survivors to by-standers.

If all parents and educators ask for family-friendly internet filters because we realize the danger of easy access to online pornography, it will happen sooner than later. In all fairness, we are a couple of years late as it is, but there is still time to act.

Our children’s innocence is priceless, let’s allow them to keep it for as long as possible. From family to society level, we will all benefit from it.

Why I Go To The Farmer’s Market

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On July 23, 2013

In Kamloops

(Originally published as a column in the Saturday edition of the Kamloops Daily News on July 20, 2013)

20130618_190401It is cloudy today and we’re having a late start. Lazy Saturday mornings happen to everyone. They’d better. Another edition Saturday pancakes and a talk about why judgment makes you doubt yourself, then we leave for the farmer’s market. Sometimes it is all of us, this time just me and my youngest.

We stop at the bank then run to the market, literally. It’s silly fun and the giggles my youngest leaves behind won’t last for long. Time is merciless that way, a good reason to make it happen often, laughing with your children that is…

Music greets us. It makes our feet dance and our faces smile. The air smells sweet and fresh. A good day indeed.

The wood spirits are our first stop. You must’ve seen them, the wooden faces and the castles Kelly carves out of cottonwood bark… He makes imagination fly high, almost a lost art in today’s rushed world where computer games abound and patience is underestimated. “You almost see the face in a piece of wood,” he tells us. I’ve heard people say that before. Art is fascinating.

Every face has a different expression and tells a different story. My youngest has one of these wood masks hanging next to his bed. He wants to learn to make them too. He often carves at home and this kind of exposure inspires him, like it should.

We talk about where to find cottonwood bark, how to age a sculpture, how to carve castles and why some of the ones Kelly sells have jasper eyes. How long does it take to carve that? My little guy is fascinated by the faces, by their long wooden beards, and by how tree bark becomes alive once more…

Market is almost closing… We go and buy eggs, strawberry and rhubarb pie. We buy a whole box of fragrant strawberries and talk about South America with the lady who sells them. We buy greens, a farm-raised chicken and honey. Herbs too.

Guilt-free coffee to from Anita, cookies for the boys and quick browsing of the potted plants; we look at colors and leaf shapes; we talk about ferns and how they’ve been around since dinosaur time. What’s the Earth going to look like in fifty years or so? How about five hundred?

Then it’s back to the wooden spirits. For just a tiny bit, my youngest says. I thought he might ask… It’s the end of the day and the magic wooden faces are carefully put away until next week wrapped in soft towels.

Next door to the wooden spirits is Meagan from Heffley Creek, she’s a soap and natural cosmetics maker. Another kind of beautiful magic that we often overlook in favor of commercially-made long-lingering fragrances. I delight in meeting a like-minded person and the old and oh so played “we speak the same language” is as real as it is needed. And we speak it, with the promise of future conversations.

We meet friends, neighbors and people we know from around town. We create routines that make our Saturday morning sunnier no matter how cloudy the sky. We pick knowledge, freshness and develop gratefulness for the place we’re in. Smiles, stories and wonders abound.

When I needed advice on how to deal with the wasp nest in the backyard fort, someone pointed to the bee guy; he knows, I was told without an ounce of doubt. He did. A conversation about the sad fate of bees ensued. People need to know more, we both agreed. Perhaps we can visit the beehives in Barnhartvale? Sure thing; it makes sense that one of my favorite road cycling routes is also a bee paradise.

I could say go to the market to get fresh food and support local farmers. That’s a big part of it. But there is something else you can get there. You get stories and smiles on any given market day. Everyone needs that, they add some more color and texture to your food. Appreciation in every bite.

The city comes alive here and so do seasons. We learn that in early spring chickens make small eggs, just as they shake the winter chills off. There’s baby lettuce, tender green onion and garlic, small bouquets of fragrant herbs and seedlings in the spring.

Berries and greens abound as summer bursts through the sky mid-June or so. Fall is when we first visited the market here in Kamloops for the first time. It’s a time of abundance and flavours. Every season is. Don’t miss it. I won’t either.

Thoughts For The Road…

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On July 21, 2013

In Self-improvement

The road

To Laura and Nemo, thought munchies for the road ahead…

If you were my kid and leaving today to see and feel and taste the world, this is what I’d tell you:

 

 

 

  1. That you’re never alone. Repeat as often as you need to so you will believe it. It’s true.
  2. That you can always smile. Smiling makes your eyes arch in a way that drains tears. I’ve tried it enough times to know.
  3. That every day, even the ones that seem long and punishing, have 24h, no more no less. Tomorrow is always around the corner. You get to try again.
  4. That you have choices. Always. And you need to be honest with yourself to admit it.
  5. That you can find the horizon from wherever you are.
  6. That you need to believe in yourself. If you want it, you can make it happen.
  7. That you should not spend what you don’t have.
  8. That you learn to listen. Few do. It’s an important life skill.
  9. That when you are joyful, so are those around you.
  10. That you have to own your words and actions. Don’t ever make yourself run away from your own heart. Self-betrayal is a heavy load to carry no matter where you go.
  11. That even when you’re lost, you are somewhere. Therefore, you are never lost.
  12. That when you smile, people smile back.
  13. That idleness is a sin.
  14. Travel light. You already have what you need with you.
  15. That you should not call it a good day until you learned something, or until you brighten someone’s day. Often times that someone is you.
  16. Sometimes all it takes is to ask. So ask. The worst that can happen is to be told no. No is a word. A short one though.
  17. That you should never stop dreaming.
  18. That gratefulness is the road to joy.
  19. That everything seems brighter in the morning. So sleep on it, you will find a solution.
  20. That your mind can make a big problem bigger. Use your mind’s ability to your advantage. Everyone needs a confidence boost every now and then.
  21. That it is better to regret the things you did rather than the ones you never had the courage to do.
  22. That you should not let anyone tell you cannot follow your dreams.
  23. That no one is responsible for your happiness but you.
  24. You cannot force someone to love you, nor can you ask or whine for it. Love is a gift. It should be given.
  25. Don’t be afraid to love and when you do, give it all you’ve got. Might as well. Holding back might lead to “could’ve” and “should’ve.” They are like silent forgotten mines. People’s hearts become minefields and that can lead to hurting.
  26. Being afraid can keep you safe or make you miss out on life. It takes time to learn when and how to do it wise, so learn.
  27. That there is always a way out. With a catch: You need to find it.
  28. That you can learn something from everything that happens to you. It is said that smooth seas never made good sailors.
  29. That when you give you will be given.
  30. That life is fluid. Only make promises you can keep. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
  31. That hugs are needed for growth; Soul growth that is. Hug for real, halfway will never do.
  32. That you need to believe in something. The more solid that something, the stronger the rope that ties you to it when you need it most.
  33. That you can only know how you yourself feel, but never how others feel. So express feelings starting with an I. You will find that it makes people listen more carefully.
  34. Those who care will never hurt you on purpose. Have the courage to see the others.
  35. People may not be aware that you hurt. Speak up. But… yelling never makes people understand you better.
  36. Own your past. You are here today and you are you because of what’s behind you.
  37. That pain cannot be avoided sometimes. But like everything else, pain also passes.
  38. Laugh often and heartily. More begets more.
  39. Few things are as bad (or worse) than they look. Most are better.
  40. Truth is peace. Peace of mind that is.
  41. Never settle for broken dreams. They are not called dreams anymore but shards. They will cut your feet and others’.
  42. Sing if you want to, dance, paint or ride your bike. Never be afraid to feed your soul. Feeding your soul is never ridiculous or wrong. A well-fed soul is a happy soul.
  43. Everyone loves to do something. Find yours and make it your job.
  44. If you have the choice, choose a job where you don’t have to count the minutes. Those minutes always seem longer. Emptier too.
  45. Farewells are a part of life. If you’re afraid of leaving you will never get anywhere. Farewell tears help grow appreciation for who you leave behind.
  46. If you care, show it. Guessing games are a gamble.
  47. Speak up. Make sure you are being heard.
  48. Assumptions can take you awfully close to the edge. Use sparingly.
  49. Learn the sound of your soul. Sometimes it’ll be only whispers. Go somewhere quiet to hear it well. It’s the truest voice you have.
  50. Life happens. Embrace it.

The Big Circle Of Life. A Story

By

On July 14, 2013

In Life Stories

20130711_170243(1)The cry pierced the soft quietness of early night. It sounded like a child crying and I knew it wasn’t a child but a baby goat. I covered my ears. I was sitting under an old walnut tree, with my sister, my nephew and the man’s wife. She smiled when I covered my ears, a calming smile almost…It has to be, it’s all part of it, her smile seemed to say.

 

I felt ashamed and I put my hands down. I am not a vegetarian, I told myself. If I choose to eat meat, then I should know that this is part of it. I tried not to imagine the baby goat. It’s called a kid, I know, but I have trouble calling it that.

The man loves his goats, my sister said before we went there. The goats spend their days on green pastures among healing wild herbs and carpets of wildflowers. He talks to each of them and keeps them clean. He cares.

We make our way to the side of the barn where the young goat hangs upside down, skinned and hoofless. I don’t look away. This is part of it. I might not eat part of this one, but I eat meat occasionally.

The man cuts the young goat open, no choppy moves. He moves the knife fast and sure of himself. He asks for some clean bags to put some of the parts in. I run down to the house and get some. I hold the bags, one by one, and they get filled with various parts. Still warm.

I realize I am holding my breath and let go. This is part of the oldest ritual there is. I breathe the warm night air in. There’s more than the usual sweet night air smell but I will not hold my breath.

My nephew asks jokingly about the crime scene. The man calmly replies “This is not a crime, it is a sacrifice.” Everyone is silent. Thinking. Knowing.

Ten minutes later we are ready to leave.

We pass by the goats’ pen. They are all white except for a brown speckled one trying to pick fights. It got ignored and for a reason. Goat or not, a day spent in the sun makes you pleasurably lazy and unwilling to respond to fights.

On the way home, I think about it all. We’ve strayed from understanding the actions that bring food on the table. To grow vegetables is an act of grace, some say. There’s nothing inconvenient to witness.

To put meat on the table, you have to sacrifice the animal. Buying a tray of drumsticks or a round steak will not bring understanding. Gratefulness for every morsel comes from looking at the animal, thanking it for the sacrifice and not letting anything go to waste. It is not blood thirst that makes one opt or meat.

Tomorrow. Step to further life...It is part of life. Death is part of life. Sacrifice without a purpose is cruelty. It does not honor us, nor does it make us appreciate life. Not caring to know where our food comes from and how also shades us from the very act of gratefulness, which makes us humble and responsible for our choices.

 

If you choose to eat it, have the courage to look at it and understand its connection to you and respect it. No need to cover eyes or ears, you need to see in order to be respectful of every morsel.

To Be Mindful. A Reminder

By

On July 13, 2013

In Kamloops

Two toddlers died a couple of weeks ago as a result of being forgotten in cars that got too hot in the sun. It is the kind of news that makes your insides roll in a tight ball, whether you are a parent or not, but more so if you are one.

The events are isolated, one could say, but not isolated enough. To say the issue is debatable is an understatement. That parents or caregivers forget babies or toddlers in cars, some experts say, it’s a brain glitch. But, others say, it is unconceivable. Sad reality: It happens.

No parent is without fault and parenting is one challenging journey, everyone agrees. We make mistakes, we stumble, often we think we’re doing a good job just to lose our footing shortly after and find ourselves at the bottom of the hill, ready for a new climb, ready to make it better the next day. Just like it should be.

But this goes beyond parenting mistakes. It allows no trying again to make it better next time. One cannot imagine the pain those parents experience, whether they are the ones who forgot the children or another caregiver.

While every case is different, courts often decide no further charges, since the consequence of the deed itself is the worst punishment; nothing can come close to the pain left by the disappearance of a child and under such gruesome circumstances.

To judge is not the answer and really, who wants to cast the first stone… The reason I have a hard time defining this as a brain glitch though is out of fear that when we accept such things as possible mistakes, then they will happen.

But here’s the big question is: How is it possible? Are we too busy, too overscheduled, too absent from the present moment? If we put a child in the car seat, how could we forget to take her out? If a child is in the car, are we not to acknowledge her presence like we would a grown-up’s?

What rush could cause us to leave the car without even taking a look back? What about the instinctual pull that keeps us connected to our children from the moment they are born, a must in keeping them safe?

Somehow this issue crosses the parenting realm boundaries though.

It is a stark reminder to be mindful. To be where we are when we are there. It’s becoming a thing of the past with each day that passes nowadays.

Stretched between various communication and entertainment devices, busy jobs, various appointments and social obligations, the mind does its best, but multitasking is a dangerous game to play when children’s well-being is at risk.

To be where we are with all that we are means to make the best of every passing moment. Whatever it is that you are doing at a particular moment, be honest with yourself and stay committed to being immersed in that moment, no exception.

When sharing a moment or few with another human being, our loved ones first of all, we owe it to them to be there. In early childhood our children are mindful. When they explore the world outside, they stare intently at all living creatures, they spend enough time to really see it.

When we read to them or tell them a story, they envelop us with attention, they keep track of words and story thread. They are there, listening, cuddled to us and living that moment. We should do the same.

Life is not kind at times. There’s deadlines, stern bosses and obligatory phone calls. We are tired and the mind wanders. Being mindful is often a challenge.

But we cannot afford to be anything less, and we cannot settle for mindlessness, the price is too high and it will ultimately rob of all moments to follow, or rather the capacity to enjoy them.

To be mindful has great rewards and while we cannot change the world or slow down its pace, we can adjust ours. Better yet, let’s make it a team effort to truly make it work. Let’s not allow anyone’s pain to become but a news item, and anyone’s memory to slip out of life with no proper heeding and learning from. We can all help prevent future mistakes of this kind.

Originally published as a column in the Saturday edition of the Kamloops Daily News on July 13, 2013

You Have Choices. Always. Unless…

By

On July 12, 2013

In Self-improvement

The paintbrush ...Unless you are somebody’s slave – slavery has yet to be abolished, unfortunately – you are where you are now because of the choices you made yesterday and continue to make today.

You have choices. Always.

The day turns to night and you have no choice to make daylight longer or brighter, nor do you have the option to stop the rain or bring one around if it gets too dry. But you have the choice to wake up and make every minute count.

You have the choice to make the best use of daylight to see people’s faces, to do the next thing you have to do; to build, to read, to write, to move on. You can choose. Unless your spirit and or body are confined by someone or something, you have choices.

You meet people; some will add sunshine and joy to your life, others will suck yours out. You have choices. It is an honest thing to exercise your choices, respectful too, towards yourself and others. You can choose to love, forgive, hug, or let go. You have choices: To be at peace or not.

You can smile or frown, believe in yourself or choose defeat, you can pity yourself or tell yourself you can do whatever you put your mind and heart to.

With everything you do, with the choices you make, you make a statement about yourself and life, every day. Whether you choose to exercise your right to make choices, you are still making choices, but are they the right ones?

You have the choice to make every day count. If I would ask you to give up the last 3650 days of your life, would you do that? That’s ten years. If you wouldn’t, then why would you give away a day like today?

You have the choice to make today count. You have choices. Always. Unless… You choose not to. Also a choice. Yours.

You paint tomorrow using the colors you choose today…

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